Recently, I was talking with a dear friend. She’s been having trouble with her sister, & handling the problem very well. She’s showing God’s love & grace in this difficult situation.
I felt bad as we spoke, because I knew if that was me in her shoes, I’d be very angry. I felt like I wasn’t being a good Christian because of that. Immediately, God spoke to my heart.
This friend has told me that growing up, she spoke up to her narcissistic mother. She never stifled her anger.
I however, was her polar opposite- I learned early on never to show any anger.
Growing up, my mother would holler at me for my “Bailey temper” even if I was simply frustrated. I learned very young it was better to stifle my anger rather than show it & be shamed. It’s only been the last couple of years I’ve been letting myself show anger. In fact, I can’t stifle it any longer. I get over it & forgive the other person quickly, but it still feels somewhat foreign to get angry.
I can’t really compare myself to this lady because we’re so different. God wants me to show my anger, I believe, so I’m not wrong when I feel it or show it. For her, she chooses not to get angry with her sister & that is what’s right for her. Neither of us are wrong or bad. We’re simply doing what is right for us. And, both of our solutions are Biblical. Matthew 5:44 tells us to love our enemies & forgive them, which is what my friend is doing in her situation. Various Scriptures tell of times when Jesus Himself got angry (Mark 10:13-16, Mark 11:15-17, etc). Being angry is not a sin! It’s what you do with your anger that can be sinful. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not sin” do not let the sun go down on your wrath,” (NKJV)
Realizing all of this was so freeing! It helped me to feel I’m on the right path for me, just as she is for her. It also helped me to stop feeling shame for when I get angry like I did at first (old habits truly die hard).
This situation also goes to prove that we all have very individual walks with God. Sure, there are some basic things He wants from all of us, like following the 10 commandments. But beyond that? We all have very unique & individual paths to take. Don’t compare yourself to another person. Instead, enjoy your own path, & enjoy the freedom there is in that.