“You Should Be Grateful For Everything You’ve Been Through!”

Lately I’ve seen memes & statuses on facebook stating basically the same thing- that no matter what horrible thing you have experienced, you should be grateful for it because it made you who you are today.  Frankly, it’s getting on my final nerve…lol

How can anyone be grateful for being a victim of narcissistic abuse, beaten daily by a spouse, being in a car wreck, losing their home to a fire or even a nasty mother in-law?!  I can’t fathom that.

I’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse & other types of abuse by several people.  I’ve been physically abused.  I’ve been in a car & a motorcycle accident.  I even have a nasty mother in-law who has hated me from the day we met, before I was even dating her son.  I’m not even close to grateful for going through any of those situations.  Not that I’m still angry or bitter about them, but honestly, I’m not grateful for what happened to me.

Instead, I am grateful to God.  Grateful He brought me through such awful situations & even made sure good came from them.  I’m grateful He put it in my heart to learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder so now I can spot narcissists easily & know how to handle them when I have to deal with them.  I’m also grateful God showed me I deserve better than to be treated so badly by people, as I once thought I deserved all of their abuse.

If someone tells you that you should be grateful that you were abused or suffered in some way, ignore them.  Even if their hearts are in the right place, those words can be so hurtful & shame inducing.  Don’t let that into your heart!  You are allowed not to feel glad that you have suffered through some rough situations!  You don’t have to try to change how you feel!  Instead, just remember what you are grateful for- the strength God gave you to survive, the love He showed you as he helped you to heal, the things you learned from the situation, maybe new friends you met at a support group or the love of those close to you who supported you through your painful time.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health

4 responses to ““You Should Be Grateful For Everything You’ve Been Through!”

  1. lynettedavis

    “Even if their hearts are in the right place, those words can be so hurtful & shame inducing.” Right. I do think their words are mostly geared toward people who have overcome poverty and other non-abusive adversities. However, I agree with you, it can be devastating when abuse victims buy into it. I thank God that he was there with me and finally convinced me that I was worthy of better too.


    • I’ve actually seen those memes on pages about healing from abuse & been told that to my face. Can you believe that?! It’s baffling…

      Yes, thank God for showing you that you deserve better! Buying into the “be grateful” mentality would be devastating.


  2. God says give thanks in all things,but that doesn’t mean you have to be grateful for it..I confess,I have a lot of trouble being thankful when bad things happen.
    It does help me to know we will be rewarded for all we’ve been thru in the next life 🙂


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