Many narcissistic mothers have issues with food & weight, & they pass those issues on to their daughters.
My mother told me how fat & ugly I was so often, I went through anorexia at age 10, & bulimia in my teens. She continues to insult my weight very harshly even now, at age 44. Many other daughters of narcissistic mothers I have spoken to have similar stories. Even if they didn’t have an eating disorder, they are convinced they are ugly because they are too fat or too thin.
I think this is often because insecurity in every area is behind narcissism. Insecurity is at the root of their behavior- everything is done in an attempt to make them feel better about themselves. Narcissists also like to project their issues & insecurities on others. Projection allows them to be angry about the issues without admitting their flaws.
Also, narcissistic mothers look at their daughters as competition. If the mother is overweight or underweight, but her daughter has a good figure, it is a guarantee that she will do her level best to make her daughter feel badly about her figure. Making her daughter feel badly will make the narcissistic mother feel good.
If this describes your narcissistic mother, please remember these things! The things she has said to you are a lie! She is only saying those things to hurt you so she can feel better about herself. DO NOT LISTEN TO HER!!!
I know it can be hard to do this, but you need to! You don’t deserve to feel badly about yourself or have eating disorders, especially because of someone else cruelly putting their issues on you. You are fearfully & wonderfully made, according to God’s word (Psalms 139:14). You deserve to love your body, not hate it because of someone else’s issues.
2 responses to “Weight & Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers”
The boot was on the other foot with me. My mother (a narcissist) has had anorexia for most of her life, and when she did eventually begin to eat healthily, was overexercising. She always had things wrong with her because of overdoing everything, and now has bowel cancer.
Am I sorry? After her behaviour, it’s a little late for me to consider whether I might be sorry or not, and I’m afraid there’s only one answer, and it’s not yes. It would have been nice if she had been sorry for others when they were undergoing times of extreme stress in their lives, but each to their own.
There was the never sitting down at mealtimes with the family; the stuffing of me, whilst at the same time chastising me for being hungry. Needless to say, I listened not to her, but to my stomach. I had a whippet metabolism, and could pretty much eat what I liked – whenever I couldn’t eat for psychological reasons, this soon corrected itself in time.
There was the imbalance in my low-protein, supposedly “healthy” diet, that led to health, academic and behavioural problems for me (particularly as a teenager – my schools were concerned about her neglect); the grandiose view of herself as being slimmer/ fitter/ more superhuman than everyone else (where it served no purpose – she was a recluse, no supermodel).
Thankfully my father has seen sense over the last few years and come to acknowledge her behaviour. And her relatives, who she used to deride and ridicule for being fat, are fitter than she is. Who knows, perhaps this is proof that karma is alive and well. I thank the Lord I went NC every day.
Wow. That is absolutely terrible! How incredibly warped of her to do such things!