Update On “Stealing Grief” Post

I recently mentioned in this post how I’d had a big argument with my parents on May 5.  I tried mentally to put the incident in a box on a shelf, so I could grieve the loss of my sweet kitty Weeble that passed away only 3 days prior to the argument.  I discussed that in this post.

 

This actually worked pretty well for a short time.  Not perfectly- I kept having dreams that I didn’t remember, which was evidence my mind was still trying to process what my parents did to me.  It also left me quite tired.  But at least while awake I was able to focus more on grieving my loss, as I needed to do.  Recently though, I felt I was unable to keep my parents in that box any longer.  I knew it was time to deal with what they had done to me.

 

I wanted to mention how it worked out because if anyone tries to do as I did, you need to know it really is NOT a perfect solution.  It definitely helped me, but it certainly wasn’t perfect.

 

It is also not a permanent solution.  Stuffing your emotions or refusing to face things is never good for your mental health.  You need to deal with what happens in your life, good, bad or indifferent if you want to remain mentally healthy!

 

Even keeping these things in mind, I still would recommend mentally putting other problems in a box if you’re feeling overwhelmed.  The time I was able to successfully do so enabled me mostly to deal with the more important & pressing matter at hand, which was grieving my loss.  By the time I felt that box had to come off the shelf, I was more able to handle dealing with it than I had been.

 

Also, for me, I knew it was time to deal with that box on the shelf because  thoughts of what happened started forcing their way into my mind even though I didn’t want them to.  I also started remembering my dreams again.  Sometimes when things are too difficult to process or you are too overwhelmed to deal with them, you don’t remember your dreams.  It’s your mind’s way of dealing with things you don’t feel able to deal with.  Remembering the dreams means you are more able to cope.  So pay attention to your dreams!  They are valuable teachers!  Not only what you dream about, but whether or not you remember them.  (Just FYI, I like using http://www.dreammoods.com for a dream dictionary.  That site plus prayer has enabled me to understand many of my dreams.)

 

And, regarding my parents… I reached a decision on what to do regarding them.  After some prayer & talking with my dear friend, I realized what I need to do.  Nothing.  I had wondered if I should go no contact or try to work things out or what, but doing nothing makes the most sense to me.  I’ve always been the one who tries to work things out, & frankly, I’m tired of that.  I quit.  They did me wrong, so they can apologize or not- it’s up to them (although I don’t expect to hear an apology since neither one grasps why I was so angry).  I had planned on taking some time away from them, but unfortunately I slipped up & answered the phone when my father called recently.  I had taken something to help me sleep & was starting to feel a bit woozy, plus it’s such a habit to just answer the phone.  UGH!!!  (I need to remember not to answer the phone after a sleeping pill..)  Turns out he thinks all is fine now.  He gave me some passive/aggressive, snarky comments so he’s happy & doesn’t seem to care that I’m not.  Life with narcissistic parents.. so much fun isn’t it?  lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Animals, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

5 responses to “Update On “Stealing Grief” Post

  1. If you don’t laugh you will certainly car cuz! Lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. revengestar

    you really need to go no contact with those toxic people 😦

    Like

    • I have before for six years, with my mother only. I let her back in & things were much better for a while. Not great, but better. I have gone lower & lower contact because as things got worse, I haven’t felt no contact is right for me this time. After much prayer I’ve decided that’s how I’ll stay- if either or both of my parents go no contact, I’m fine with it. As things stand now, my mother isn’t speaking to me at all & my father not very often. It’s tolerable. Since my father has a ton of serious health problems, I’m ok with this solution. I can be available if he goes into the hospital again or something. Being their only child & they have no friends & family locally to speak of, I feel I need to help if I can, on a limited scale & on my terms as much as possible. This certainly isn’t a solution for everyone, but it’ll suffice for me at least for now.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: When A Narcissistic Parent Is Dying | CynthiaBaileyRug

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