For Those Who Lack Joy During The Holidays & Are Judged For It

Many people struggle through the holiday season for a range of very valid reasons.  Dysfunctional families causing unnecessary drama & misery, suffering loss through failed relationships or deaths of loved ones & financial struggles are some of the most common reasons, but there are many more.  Yet in spite of the validity of these reasons, many people are quick to shame these poor people, making their pain even worse.

My heart goes out to such people.  As I’ve written about plenty of times, I struggle through the holidays as well.  And, as many others have experienced, I’ve been shamed for that as well.  I’ve heard the usual comments like, “Focus on the positive!”  “It’s the most wonderful time of year!”  “Everyone is so happy.  Why can’t you be happy too?”  “Don’t be so negative.  It’s Christmas!!”  It’s no surprise, but comments don’t help. 

What people who make comments like this fail to realize is saying such things doesn’t make a person automatically feel better.  In fact, they only make a person feel worse.  It’s much like how saying, “cheer up” doesn’t cure depression or, “stop worrying!” doesn’t cure anxiety.

When you are faced with these overly judgmental people, it will be upsetting.  There is no avoiding that.  It does help to remember that some people simply aren’t very understanding others.  They either can’t or won’t try to understand the position of another person & unfortunately, they are everywhere.  This is how they are & they have no desire to change that about themselves. It has nothing about you that makes them act this way. 

There is also the fact that so many people have their own issues that they refuse to face.  Some people have come from their own dysfunctional, abusive pasts & rather than admit that fact & face their demons, they prefer to think only of happy things.  Traditionally, holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, so they are a great time to justifiably be focused on only happy things.  Or maybe holidays were the only time of joy they had in their childhood, so as adults, they cling to them to bring them joy as they once did.  Holidays also allow dysfunctional families to gather together & pretend that they are functional & happy.  Those from these families may enjoy this charade because even if only briefly, they can believe that they have a happy family.

One final thing to consider.  Colossians 2:16 in the New Living Translation of the Bible says, “So don’t let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths.”  Notice that even the Bible even states that people aren’t to judge others for how they celebrate special days.  Celebrating certain ways & certain days is traditional, but it isn’t necessary for anyone, even professing Christians.  God gives people free will to do as they please, & that includes how they celebrate special days.  If He won’t judge you for what you do or don’t do during the holiday season, then there is no reason to accept the judgment of human beings.  Do what makes you comfortable, & ignore the petty criticisms of people who don’t know your situation. 



Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Enjoying Life, Mental Health

9 responses to “For Those Who Lack Joy During The Holidays & Are Judged For It

  1. Cynthia, thanks for sharing this. There is a lot of depression during the holidays. Shaming people is not the solution and is the worst thing someone can do. Keith

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, Cynthia. This is a hard time of year for me, too.

    Liked by 1 person

      • ((HUGS)) to you, too. I am very grateful for you.

        Right now, one of my blogger friends is posting numerous posts about how Christmas got its start as a pagan holiday and true Christians should have nothing to do with it. She does not understand why I am not jumping on her bandwagon. I want to agree to disagree and leave the topic alone. I like Christmas, even though I struggle with it, too, because my mother tried to gas us all to death this time of year.

        Now, on top of everything else, I feel condemned by my blogger friend. People can find so many things to argue about! Religious beliefs, politics, covid vaccines, wear madks, don’t wear masks, isolate, no don’t isolate, the Bible says we must not forsake the assembling of yourselves together…. in a church where almost no one wears masks, in a county with one of the highest rates of covid, and my husband is 72 and being treated for cancer and COPD and heart issues, so he is highly at risk. Oh, but where is our FAITH?!?

        Sometimes I want to scream! But when I express my frustrations, I invariably get somebody asking me: “Where is your Joy in the Lord?”


        Whew. Now I feel a bit better. Because somehow I think that you will totally understand my little rant!


        • I’m grateful for you too! ❤

          Oh boy.. 😦 I have read that same info about Christmas having origins in paganism. But that being said… it also is at the time of year when the days start to get longer again & I've read that was why people decided to celebrate Jesus' birth. He is the Light of the world, so it makes sense. Seems to me someone should've made a note of Jesus' exact birthday but since that didn't happen, it seems a good time to celebrate in spite of any connection to paganism. Celebrating Christmas doesn't have to have those connections. Remember too what I said earlier in this post.. Colossians 2:16 is important! You do you & don't worry about what other people think. They're not you. What works for them may not work for you & vice versa. Not a thing wrong with that & if they see something wrong with it then clearly they have the problem.

          I'm honestly shocked you like Christmas because of what happened with your mother. That shows some serious commitment to healing that you have reached the point you can enjoy it in spite of that horrific event! You are amazing!!

          No kidding.. there is so much contention these days with all of those topics & more! I wish people could agree to disagree more often. The world would be a much more pleasant place!

          lol The joy of the Lord can still be there in spite of being frustrated with the world! Seems people don't understand that! Just because you're frustrated & not appearing as happy as a Care Bear doesn't mean you lack it. It means you're normal!

          I do understand your rant!! ❤

          Liked by 1 person

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