Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner seemed too good to be true? They seemed to share all of your likes, beliefs, & behavior, & you felt like you had found your soul mate. Then suddenly, something changed, & you were left wondering what happened, what you did wrong, to cause your partner to change so much?
It’s very likely that you were the victim of a narcissist. Narcissists are master manipulators, & they use a variety of tactics to groom their victims & keep them in the relationship. Today, we’ll discuss some about the grooming tactics of narcissists, the trauma bonds they create, & how to break free from this toxic cycle.
Narcissists are experts at putting on a show. They know how to make their victims feel special & loved, & they use this to their advantage. They start by mirroring their victim’s likes, beliefs, & behavior. This creates an instant bond which makes the victim feel like they’ve found their soul mate.
Once the narcissist has gained their victim’s trust, they stop trying so hard. Suddenly, they don’t call as much, don’t make as many plans, & don’t show as much affection. This leaves the victim feeling perplexed & abandoned, wondering what they did wrong to make the narcissist change so much.
This is the narcissist’s goal, because when the victim is left feeling confused & abandoned, they want to please the narcissist so much that they will do whatever it takes to regain the narcissist’s love & affection. The victim is now in a place of vulnerability, & the narcissist will exploit this to their advantage.
This cycle of “hot & cold” behavior is what creates trauma bonds. The victim is now in a cycle of being lured in by the narcissist’s charm & then feeling betrayed when the narcissist withdraws their love & affection. This cycle can make it very hard for the victim to break free from the relationship.
Breaking free from a narcissistic relationship is difficult, but it is possible.
I firmly believe that God’s help is of the utmost importance in life, but in particular when dealing with narcissists because they are so manipulative. God can help you to resist their manipulation & to recognize it. He also can guide you in the best things to say & do to help you navigate this relationship or to end it entirely.
It’s also so important to remember that the narcissist’s behavior is not your fault. It’s all about their selfishness & what they feel they need to do to get whatever it is they want from you. There is nothing you can do to make a narcissist treat you the way that they do, so don’t believe that lie! They have made the choice to abuse you, period. That choice is all their responsibility, & has nothing to do with you!
It’s absolutely vital to recognize the narcissist’s tactics & to be aware of their behavior. Once you can recognize their manipulation tactics, it will be easier to break away from their manipulation & to create healthy boundaries.
It’s very helpful to seek out support from safe friends, family, or a therapist, to help you process your experience & move forward. If you’re on Facebook, I have a wonderful group on there full of people who are exceptionally kind, caring & who have experienced all types of narcissistic abuse. You are more than welcome to check it out if you like!
Narcissists are master manipulators & they use trauma bonding to get what they want from their victims. That can be hard to break, but with awareness & support, it is possible to break free & reclaim your life.
If you or someone you know is in a narcissistic relationship, it’s important to seek out help & support. Remember that you are not alone & that you deserve to be treated with real, Godly love & respect!
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
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