What It Really Means When Narcissists Accuse And Insult Their Victims

Narcissists are masters at something called projection.  Basically, this is when they accuse someone of doing things that they truly haven’t done, but the narcissist does on a regular basis.  For example, a narcissist who accuses you of lying is most likely a liar. 

Until you know about what they are doing, it can be tough to handle this sort of behavior.  It’s painful & baffling when you are accused of doing things that you never have done or, in many cases, never even considered doing.  I know, since I’ve been there.  When I was in my late teens, some of the things my mother accused me of doing were astonishing because they never even crossed my mind. 

Another thing narcissists project onto their victims are their own insecurities.  The narcissist who feels unattractive will call their victim ugly, or the narcissist who is insecure about their intelligence tells their victim often how stupid they are.  When a narcissist does this often enough & with such conviction, victims usually take their cruel words to heart.  Again, I know as I’ve done this too.  This is how I ended up battling anorexia at age 10.  My mother constantly told me how fat I was, & at that young age, the only way I thought I could lose weight was to stop eating.

Today, I want to encourage those of you who have been in this situation, or are still in it. 

A helpful piece of advice I can give you is this.. when a narcissist accuses you of something you have done or said something negative about you, think about it for a moment.  Ask yourself what evidence is there that what they said is accurate?  Chances are, there is none.  Then, consider the narcissist.  Has he or she ever shown signs of either doing or wanting to do the thing they said you did?  I bet there is some evidence, even a small amount, that they have done that thing.  Or, if the narcissist insulted you, think about them.  Did the narcissist call you stupid, yet acts as if they know it all, for example?  My ex husband frequently let me know he thought he was supremely intelligent & I was stupid, & he acted as if he knew everything.  Looking back, I realize what appeared to be confidence was simply concealing the fact he knew I was smarter than he was.  By acting like he was smarter than me, he made me believe that was true.  Narcissists often do this sort of thing with projection.

If you are unsure of answers to such questions, then ask God for help.  Ask Him to show you the truth about the situation, because He will be more than happy to do so.  In fact, do it whether or not you are sure of the answers, because He gladly will show you all that you need to know, even things that you have missed.

Remember that when a narcissist projects or insults you, they are giving you insight into themselves.  They are telling you things that they will do & areas where they feel badly about themselves.  They aren’t saying such things because they are true.  Far from it.  This is how they process their flaws & insecurities.  By accusing you of these things, it allows them to be angry about their own problems while accepting no responsibility for them or working to change themselves.  It has nothing to do with you at all.  Projection, like everything else related to narcissists, is all about them.