Confronting or Comforting??

I was watching Bishop T.D. Jakes this morning.  He said something that struck a chord in me- “Some people don’t confront what’s wrong, they comfort it.”

This is so true of many people.  So many folks can’t seem to handle deep issues, only light & happy things.  When you tell one of these people anything about your abusive mother, they just can’t handle it.  They make excuses for her behavior, blame you, tell you it’s your place to make things right with her, or say other stupid things like “She’s the only mother you’ll ever have!” They have similar responses if you have mental health problems- “You need to get out more,” “Cheer up!”, “Think happy thoughts!”, “You need to get over it.”, “You’re not a soldier- you can’t have PTSD!”

Everyone who opens up about being abused or having mental health issues has to deal with someone like this at some point.  It’s painful, especially when it comes from someone you are close to, & you expected to be supportive.  I just want you to remember something- when someone behaves this way, it doesn’t mean you are crazy, wrong, need to make things right with your mother.  When someone can’t handle the “ugly” things in life, that is something wrong with them, not you.  Please remember that!

You need to exercise wisdom on how much you tell who about your experiences since some people, even ones you’re close to, may never be able to handle tales of your experiences.  Only discuss your experiences with compassionate, non-judgmental people.  

However, this doesn’t mean you need to be silent about your experiences!  I personally believe that although God doesn’t want painful things to happen to you, He can create a purpose for them.  For me, I have been able to help other daughters of narcissistic mothers via my books & website.  I don’t know what your purpose is, but rest assured, you have a purpose for surviving what you have survived!  Ask God to show you your purpose, & He will! 

March 13, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!

Today’s post is about PTSD & Complex PTSD.  I think most people are pretty familiar with PTSD, but not necessarily Complex PTSD.  To give you some insight into this awful problem, the criteria for diagnosis can be found at this link:

http://knowledgex.camh.net/amhspecialists/specialized_treatment/trauma_treatment/first_stage_trauma/FirstStageTT_ch6/Pages/criteria_complex_ptsd.aspx

I have a couple of questions to pose to you today…  

1. For other suffers of Complex PTSD or PTSD, what is your favorite way to self-care when recovering from stressful events?
2. Also, how do you stop beating yourself up (emotionally) for being less able to handle stress than you once were?

I’m asking because I have C-PTSD, & I have only recently learned that was my problem.  I’ve always had to be “the strong one,” & the one not allowed to be upset for fear of upsetting others in my life.  I am trying to embrace the fact that I am not as strong as I once was, while still trying to get healthier & break the dysfunctional old thinking habits.  I’m also trying to rid myself of the “lazy” label I’ve heard all my life & accept the fact that self-care isn’t being lazy, it’s a matter of being mentally healthy.  

So far, I have learned it’s time to remind myself that I am ok!  I have had normal reactions to extremely abnormal & abusive situations I’ve experienced.  But, I have to remind myself of this constantly.  It just seems like there must be something else to do.  And, as for self-care, I love knitting & spending time with my wonderful furkids, but I’m looking for other ideas just for variety.

I apologize for not offering advice today & instead seeking it.  I’m just tired- yesterday was a very stressful day, so today I’m not feeling up to par.  I’m just tired of feeling like this & while I know there is no easy fix, any different approach to it would be worth a try in my book!  Besides, maybe your suggestions could help others with these horrible disorders.

Thank you in advance for your input!  Have a wonderful day!  🙂