For All Of The “Good Girls”

From a young age, girls labeled as “good girls” bear the weight of unrealistic expectations, meaning the label comes at a very high price.  They are trained from a very early age to embrace a life without boundaries, where saying no is deemed unacceptable, & expressing negative feelings is taboo.  These girls are taught that showing anger isn’t “ladylike”, & their main focus should be on pleasing others, even at the expense of their own needs.  These harmful beliefs create a freeze or fawn response, leaving many girls feeling trapped & unable to assert themselves.  To all the other “good girls” like me out there, you need to recognize that you were lied to.  These lies are perpetrated by abusers & other toxic, dysfunctional individuals who seek to manipulate & control.  It’s time to reject these terrible beliefs & embrace the fact that you deserve so much better.

As young girls, the pressure to be labeled a “good girl” often begins subtly.  We are praised for being compliant, for not causing trouble, & for putting others’ needs before our own.  However, this praise comes at the cost of erasing our boundaries.  We are taught that saying no is impolite & makes us “bad girls.”  We are conditioned to prioritize the desires of others above our own, leading us to develop a deep sense of self sacrifice.

This erasure of boundaries has long lasting effects.  As we grow older, we struggle to assert ourselves or establish healthy boundaries in relationships.  We become people pleasers, constantly seeking validation & approval from others.  We fear disappointing others & often find it challenging to say no, even when we are overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

It’s so essential to recognize that boundaries are not only necessary but also healthy.  They define who we are, what we stand for, & what we will & will not tolerate.  By reclaiming our boundaries, we can regain control over our lives & establish healthier relationships built on mutual respect & understanding.

Another damaging aspect of being labeled a “good girl” is the expectation to hide or suppress negative emotions.  From a young age, we are taught that expressing anger or even frustration is unacceptable.  My narcissistic mother would shame me for having what she called, “That Bailey temper” even if I was simply frustrated, yet her screaming & raging was perfectly acceptable.  Sadly this is the norm with narcissistic parents.  We are told to be polite, kind, & accommodating at all times while they are allowed to say & do anything they like.  Because of this, we learn to bury our negative feelings deep within ourselves, fearing that acknowledging them will make us “difficult” or “unladylike” or feel terrible shame.

This suppression of negative emotions can lead to struggling to identify & process our feelings effectively, which can manifest as anxiety, depression, or even physical ailments.  By denying ourselves the right to express our emotions, we deny our own humanity & perpetuate the harmful notion that our negative experiences are invalid.

It’s vital to embrace all of our emotions & recognize that they are valid & worthy of acknowledgment.  By allowing ourselves to express anger, sadness, & frustration in healthy ways, we cultivate emotional & mental health.

One of the most damaging expectations placed upon “good girls” is the belief that our main focus should be on pleasing others.  We learn that our worth lies in our ability to make others happy & meet their needs.  We find ourselves constantly striving for external validation, seeking approval & acceptance from others.  In doing so, we lose touch with our own desires & needs, sacrificing our own health & happiness.  This perpetual people-pleasing leaves us exhausted, empty, & unfulfilled.

It’s time to prioritize our needs & desires, & cultivate self worth & build healthier, more authentic relationships.  Pleasing others should not be our sole purpose in life; rather, it should be a byproduct of living true to ourselves.

To all the other “good girls” out there, it’s time to break free from the harmful beliefs that have held us captive for far too long.  We were lied to, manipulated by abusers & other toxic individuals who sought to control & exploit our innate goodness.  Embrace your boundaries, express your emotions, & prioritize your well being.  You deserve so much better than a life defined by unrealistic expectations.  Reclaim your power & know that you are worthy of love, respect, & happiness.