Why Doesn’t My Mother Love Me?

One thing all daughters of narcissistic mothers have wondered at some point or another is why can’t their mothers love them.  It’s a completely normal thing for any child to wonder when raised by a narcissistic mother.  Unfortunately, it’s also damaging to a child, even into adulthood.


Most children, even adult children, will try to please their narcissistic mother in order to earn her love.  They try to be sweet, get better grades, participate in whatever activities Mom wants them to participate in & more trying to earn her love.  It doesn’t help that others encourage this behavior.  If they know your relationship has problems, often people will encourage you to try to fix it.  They often say the stupidest things such as, “You only get one mother so you need to find ways to get along with her.”  “Of course she loves you!  She’s your mother!”  “She did the best she could!”  “She just doesn’t know how to show love very well, but she does love you!”  Statements like this only leave a person feeling worse because now they feel even more guilt & shame for not being able to make their mother love them.


I understand how this feels.  I felt awful for years because I knew my mother didn’t love me.  I figured something must be terribly wrong with me if my own mother couldn’t love me.  Thank God that He has set me free from this thinking!


I thank God for teaching me about who I am in Him.  This has been vital!  The Bible has so many wonderful things to say about who we are as children of God.  I wrote out a list of these things on my website.  Check it out at : http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Positive-Affirmations.php


Anther thing God did to help me be free from wondering why my mother doesn’t love me was to teach me about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Learning about it has helped me tremendously!  I finally learned that my mother is incapable of loving anyone- it’s not just me she can’t love.  She can’t truly love anyone because of NPD.  It has been incredibly freeing learning that!  I no longer feel I am a terrible person because my mother can’t love me because I know it’s about her inability to love, not my lovableness.


This is true for you as well, Dear Reader!  Just because your mother didn’t love you, that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love- it means something is wrong with her, not you!  Learn all you can about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Reread the information a few times if it helps- I do!  I read about it often, & some things I reread often.  It really does help to remind yourself often that she has problems, because when you really know that, you will stop blaming yourself & thinking you’re a bad, unlovable person because your mother doesn’t love you.


Filed under Narcissism

8 responses to “Why Doesn’t My Mother Love Me?

  1. I too grew up wondering why, wrote about this in my book, and it hasn’t been until lately, I honestly viewed the non-relationship it was.


  2. Intellectually I know everything you said is true, that the problem wasn’t that I was unworthy of love but that my NM is incapable of it. But it still hurts. I vividly remember crying into my pillow, saying over and over that no one loved me. It was so painful to be a little child living in a house full of people who didn’t care if I lived or died, who never spoke a kind or affirming word to me, and took every opportunity to hurt me verbally and emotionally.


    • (((((hugs))))) I’m so sorry Suzanne. No child should feel that way or experience such awful treatment, no matter the child’s age!

      I get it though.. as a kid, I told myself my mother was just overprotective because she loved me rather than admit something was wrong. As a young adult, I had to face the truth I lied to myself. Even understanding NPD & knowing these things, it really hurt me too. Honestly it still hurts, just less than it once did. Not sure it ever doesn’t hurt at least some.

      Liked by 1 person

    • OMG,, It wasn’t just me… I did the same thing you did. Still do, to this day…. My mother is incapable of telling me the truth as to why she treats me this way. She negates the fact that she ever treated me badly…It must be all in my mind. However factually, I know different, when I discovered she purposefully left me out of her will. And refuses to fix it, although she says she will. She was pissed when I found out and confronted her about it. I so feel your pain. I can so relate.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m sorry Patricia! I just found your comment in my spam folder. Odd…

        No wonder you can relate! Sounds like we have the same mother. Lucky us, huh? UGH. I’m sorry your mother is this way! Narcissists just refuse to face the facts that they’ve done awful things. If they would & tell us that, things could be so much better! They don’t believe that though & prefer to remain in denial or blame us for their behavior. Very dysfunctional & abusive!

        Liked by 1 person

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