When something happens with a narcissist, either an argument or you go no contact with them, they almost always start a smear campaign against you.
A smear campaign is when the narcissist tells anyone who will listen how cruel & unreasonable you were to her, how she doesn’t understand how you can treat her this way after all she did for you & other similar nonsense. She may even add in lies, such as you’re mentally unstable or an addict to discredit you to the listener.
It’s only normal to want to defend yourself against such nonsense. It hurts when people believe these lies, especially when those people are close to you. Any normal person would want to convince those people that what the narcissist said about you was nothing but lies. However, this is not a good idea!
By speaking out against the narcissist’s lies, it only serves to convince those who believe the lies that the narcissist is right. They think you are crazy, jealous, bitter, unreasonable or other awful things that the narcissist said you are. It’s not fair, but it’s how this situation works almost every single time.
The only way to defend yourself successfully against a narcissist’s smear campaign is not to defend yourself. Although it sounds counterproductive, please hear me out.
Everything narcissists do boils down to them trying to gain narcissistic supply. Any strong reaction from you, whether it’s positive or negative provides them with supply. By creating this smear campaign, they are hoping to provoke anger & even hatred from you since that would provide supply.
The smear campaign is also done to discredit you in case you start speaking about the things the narcissist did to you. If they can make people think you’re crazy, unreasonable, etc., people won’t believe what you say about the narcissist. The narcissist’s reputation will be protected while yours is ruined, if the campaign goes as well as they expect it to.
By living your life as if nothing is happening, you’re depriving the narcissist of her precious narcissistic supply, which means she will get bored with you & leave you alone at some point. You also are creating doubt in those who believe the smear campaign. They will see that you act as a normal person, & start to wonder if the narcissist is really right about what she said. You sure don’t seem crazy, unstable, etc. like the narcissist said. Maybe what she said about you isn’t true after all. In fact, the narcissist’s mask may fall off entirely, & others will see the monster under the mask.
So remember, Dear Reader, when this happens to you (& it will at some point if you’ve had a narcissist in your life), ignore the smear campaign! Although it bothers you, never let that show. Vent to safe people close to you, journal about your feelings & as always, pray, but do not let your hurt, anger or frustration show to anyone involved in the smear campaign!