Losing A Narcissistic Parent

April 19, 2019 started quite the roller coaster for me.  It was the day the police knocked on my door at 10 p.m. to tell me that my mother was found deceased in her home.  I had no idea that this event would turn my life into something barely recognizable.

A couple of days later, I found my mother’s will, which is when I learned she not only left everything to me, but I also was to be her personal representative.  I can’t express the shock I felt at learning this completely unexpected turn of events!  I never expected to get any inheritance from her, let alone be her PR.  Oddly though, it has done me a lot of good.

Personal representatives have a lot of responsibility & many details to attend to.  As someone with a brain injury & C-PTSD which has given me crippling anxiety, I didn’t think I could do any of this, even with the help of my attorney.  But you know what?  I have!  In fact, I’ve done a pretty good job at everything, including dealing with unexpected problems.

The emotional aspect has been incredibly difficult, too.  Losing a parent is terrible for anyone, but add in the narcissistic element & it’s also complicated & confusing.  I went into shock the night the police gave me the death notification, & it lasted for several months.  Most of the time, I haven’t known what I felt.  My moods would swing drastically & I had no clue why.

In spite of these very challenging things, not only have I survived, I’ve thrived.  I believe it is all because of God.

The night of the death notification, I prayed probably the shortest prayer I’ve ever prayed.  I simply asked God to help me & has He ever!

While making funeral arrangements, the funeral director mentioned he too is a Christian.  He said he felt strongly that God wanted me to know that my mother is with Him, & everything is going to be ok, just trust Him.  I know beyond any doubt that those things are true, too.

Since her passing, God has told me things that she wanted me to know.  One thing was especially interesting.  A few years before my mother’s death, she gave me a wind chime with dragonflies on it, saying she thought I would like it.  It’s very pretty so yes I do!  While visiting her grave shortly after her death, there were a lot of dragonflies buzzing around me.  I suddenly got this strong feeling that my mother wanted me to think about what dragonflies symbolize when I see them & be comforted by that.  I began to ask God if that was right, please give me a sign.  About halfway through that prayer, the biggest one yet flew right in front of me!  I researched the symbolism of dragonflies when I got home.  Common thoughts are they symbolize hope, maturity, change, love, prosperity, & peace.  Seeing them now does give me comfort, & I see them at unusual times, not only during the spring & summer months.

Also, I’d decided almost immediately to give my mother’s car to a friend’s son who was going to get his drivers license in a few months.  Shortly after, I began to have second thoughts.  When praying about it one day, God told me very clearly, “Your mother wants you to have & enjoy her car.”  This car is definitely not my usual taste at all, but I have come to enjoy driving it.  And, my friend’s son?  He said he didn’t want me to have to hang onto the car waiting on him, so I should keep it.

Among all these rather strange events, I am happy to report that my anxiety levels are MUCH better than they were prior to my mother’s death.  It still is there, but not in the crippling capacity it once was.

My point of sharing all of this with you, Dear Reader?  I want to encourage you.  If your narcissistic parent dies before you, it’ll be tough.  But, with God, you’ll be able to get through it.  You’ll come out so much stronger & be so much closer to God than ever.  It may be the most difficult time of your life, but it will be worth it in the end if you just stay close to the Father.  ❤

18 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Caregiving, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

18 responses to “Losing A Narcissistic Parent

  1. I hope this doesn’t seem insensitive, but do you get the sense that there was anyone sort of justice, repentance or remorse? Either before her death or on the other side?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Not insensitive at all.

      I do.. I don’t think prior to her death, but after. I firmly believe that when someone gets to Heaven, God finishes the work on them He began on this Earth. They become who He intended them to be before life & sin changed them. Once they become that version of themselves, they see things differently. I believe my mother has done just that & regrets her actions with me.

      Also, do you remember the post about when my father died? The part about him arguing with God about being a good father? He saw the truth eventually & was sorry. If you want to read it, I also put the story on my website: https://cynthiabaileyrug.com/home/the-miraculous-way-my-father-came-to-know-jesus/

      Liked by 2 people

  2. ibikenyc

    I hope you’re doing okay on this anniversary ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you ❤ I'm ok.. maybe moving now is a good thing since I haven't had time to think a lot about things. I did take some flowers to my parents' grave this morning though. Seemed like the right thing to do somehow.

      Liked by 3 people

    • You asked exactly what I was going to ask, dear NYC biker friend. Our hearts are with you, Cynthia. ❤❤❤

      Liked by 3 people

      • Thank you both for being concerned & being good friends. ❤

        I just woke up a little while ago & can tell it's not going to be a good day. I keep reliving the night I got the death notification 1 year ago today. Ughhhh… I hate ruminating thoughts. But at least I'm used to them & can handle them.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Oh, dear Cynthia, I am so, so sorry. I remember that the first anniversary of my abusive father’s death was very hard, so I get it. I wish there were some way I could help. If you want, I can send you my phone number, if you feel the need to talk at any time. Sending you ((HUGS)).

          Like

        • ibikenyc

          Awwww. 😦 I hate that. What a way to start your day.

          Sending prayers to you.

          Like

          • Thank you so much ❤

            Prayers definitely were answered today!! I'd put an ad on fb to give away an item. I also had a few other things on there to sell. A lady wanted the free item & a couple for purchase. Yay! Well when she came by I said all the boxes in the living room were full of stuff we were giving away, but no charity is taking things due to the pandemic. She asked if it'd be ok if she took everything, then donated what she didn't want. Are you kidding?! YES!!!! This stuff was taking up a ton of space in my parents' living room & I was wondering what to do with it when we move in soon. It's all gone now!! Not only did I get through this day but ended up blessed & able to bless someone else. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • ibikenyc

              I hope you are doing better today ❤
              Answered prayers indeed! WOWEE! Thrilled for you 😀
              Another vote for HATING to talk on the phone! 😦 Even in my twenties I used to say that I'd rather drive an hour each way to talk to someone in person for fifteen minutes.
              Calling someone I don't know, even for business purposes? At least I can laugh at myself about that now: It was a nightmare when I worked as a secretary.
              (One big benefit is that I spend MAYBE fifty dollars a year for cell service.)

              Like

              • Thank you so much! I am doing better today. ❤

                Thank you again! Truly thrilling! I love watching God in action!

                YES! I feel the same as you about talking on the phone. It's terrible! I thank God for online chats & ordering food… just calling to order a pizza triggers anxiety in me. Like you I was also a secretary & so hated the job mainly because of the dang phone!

                Nice on cell service!! Ours isn't quite as cheap but close enough. We use it to call/text each other mostly.

                Liked by 1 person

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