What Exactly Is Self Love?

It’s easy to throw around the term “self love” these days, but what does it really mean?  Is it just bubble baths & pep talking yourself?  Or, is it something much deeper?  Self love is not just a feel-good buzzword.  It’s a way of life that can help you live a more fulfilling & authentic life. 

Self love starts with being your authentic self.  This means embracing who you truly are, flaws & all.  It means not trying to be someone else to please others or fit in.  It means being honest with yourself & others about your feelings, thoughts, & beliefs.  When you are your authentic self, you are living in alignment with your values & priorities.  Being your authentic self can be scary, especially if you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse.  It means putting yourself out there & risking rejection.  It’s worth it though.  When you are true to yourself, you attract people who accept & appreciate you for who you really are.  You also feel more confident & self-assured.

To become more authentic, start by reflecting on who you truly are.  Ask yourself some questions like, what are your values, passions, & priorities?  What makes you unique? Then, start showing up as that person in your daily life.  Speak up when you have something to say.  Embrace your quirks.  Pursue your passions.  The more you embrace your authentic self, the more self love you will cultivate.

We all make mistakes.  It’s a natural part of being human.  When we beat ourselves up for those mistakes, we are not practicing self love.  Part of self love is forgiving yourself for your mistakes & moving on.  Forgiveness is not about excusing bad behavior or pretending that everything is ok.  It’s about acknowledging what happened, taking responsibility for your actions, & moving forward in a positive direction.  When you forgive yourself, you release the negative emotions that are holding you back & create space for self love & growth.

To forgive yourself, start by acknowledging your mistakes.  Take responsibility for what happened & apologize if necessary to others & even to yourself.  Then, focus on what you can learn from the experience & how you can grow from it.  Remember that mistakes are often opportunities for growth & self-improvement.

Self love also means taking care of your mental & physical health.  This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, & taking care of your emotional well being.

Self care is not selfish.  It’s essential for your overall health & well-being.  When you take care of yourself, you have more energy, feel stronger mentally & physically, & are better able to handle stress & challenges.

Practice mindfulness to reduce stress & improve your emotional well being.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.  Whether it’s seeing a therapist or reaching out to a friend, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Self love is not a one time event or only one thing you can do for yourself.  It’s a lifelong journey of self discovery, growth, & acceptance.  When you practice self love, you are living a life that is true to your values & priorities.  You are living a life that is fulfilling, joyful, & authentic.

Today, I want to encourage you to take the first step on your journey of self love.  Embrace your authentic self.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes.  Take care of your mental & physical health.  Always remember, self love is not selfish.  It’s essential.

Discovering Your True Self After Narcissistic Abuse

No contact is often preached to victims of narcissistic abuse as if once you sever ties with a narcissist, your life will be perfect.  No contact is wonderful because it means the narcissist is out of your life, but that doesn’t mean all of your problems are over.  Narcissists rarely take no contact quietly, but even when they do, victims still have plenty to deal with if they are to heal from the narcissistic abuse.

One area where victims need healing is to discover who they truly are, not who their narcissist said they were.  While this may sound easy to some people, it really isn’t.  I plan to give victims in this position things to consider that can help them to discover their true identity, who God made them to be.

Prayer is always the best place to start, in my opinion.  Asking God to show you who you really are is so helpful!  It was paramount for me.  He showed me things I never would have considered before.  And, He can do the same for you!

Journaling is also helpful.  Take notes of things you learn along your journey so you can look back over them.  This can be a great reminder of things you have forgotten.

Ask yourself what interests do you have.  I don’t mean things a narcissist claimed you were interested in, but things that truly interest you that are free from outside influences.  Many victims of narcissistic abuse have no idea what things truly interest them or they minimize those things.  Consider what you do & how you feel about things without judging your feelings.  What brings you real joy, no matter what other people have to say? 

What talents do you have?  What can you say you are good at doing?  Are you talented with drawing?  Writing?  Building things?  If you struggle to find something, think about the complements people give you.  I know, as a victim of a critical narcissist, it can be tough to accept complements, but you need to do this.  Consider the nice things people have said to you.  Don’t judge the complements.  Instead, write them down.  They may help you to figure out who you really are.

What stirs up passion inside of you?  Do you feel strongly about animal rights?  Is there a human rights issue that lights a fire in you like nothing else?  What stirs up the strongest feelings in you, either good feelings or negative ones?  Take note of such things.  These things most likely are your calling.

What are your beliefs?  Narcissists do their best to make their victims think & believe exactly as they want them to.  It benefits narcissists but damages victims by making them lose an important part of themselves.  Start thinking about things in which you truly believe, whether or not the narcissist would approve of these things. 

What about your moral beliefs?  Another area where narcissists try to make their victims compromise is their morals.  They try convincing their victims that God doesn’t exist or if He does, He condones the narcissist’s abuse because the victim deserves punishment.  Narcissistic spouses convince their victims that monogamy is an outdated concept in order to justify their cheating ways.  Do you truly believe what the narcissist told you, or is it only because the narcissist told you this was how you should feel?

When trying to heal from narcissistic abuse, the best thing you can do is to question everything about not only the narcissist but yourself as well.  Questions will help you to learn more & knowledge truly is power.  So please start questioning everything & take good care of yourself!