My Facebook group is full of some really wonderful people. Godly, kind, caring, & very intelligent. I’ve made some great friends through this group. One of which & I were talking not long ago about where we have found the most help in understanding narcissists. She told me that I can quote her, so this is what she said. She has been to 14 counselors including psychologists, a psychiatrist, pastors, church counselors & an EDMR specialist but none of them gave her the kind of help that I have. Me, with no formal education in the mental health field, no LCSW or PHD or anything behind my name!
I’m not saying this to brag. I’m saying this because what my friend said next made a very good point. She said I have helped her more than those counselors because I’ve been through so much with narcissists. I have no formal training, but I have plenty of experience, & sometimes that is just what you need to help you in certain situations. Narcissistic abuse recovery is one of those situations.
While I mean no disrespect to mental health professionals, they usually don’t know much about Narcissistic Personality Disorder or any of the Cluster B disorders. I have two counselor friends who told me something very interesting. They don’t know each other, so naturally they never have spoken. They are about 15-20 years apart in age & studied at different colleges in different parts of the country. Yet, both said the exact same thing, that they had only one afternoon’s study about all of the Cluster B personality disorders. That’s it for FOUR very complex personality disorders! If both of the counselors I have spoken to have the exact same experience in this area of their education, I would guess it’s common if not the norm.
Don’t take this as seeing a professional to heal from narcissistic abuse is a waste of time. It isn’t, so long as you choose the right counselor. You can’t pick just any counselor to help you with abuse recovery. You will need to find a counselor that specializes in abuse recovery or trauma focused therapy.
If you can’t find a counselor with these specialties or can’t or would prefer not to see a counselor, the good thing is healing is still possible! The friend who inspired me to discuss this topic has made leaps & bounds in her healing journey because she found knowledge & help from others who also have been through a lot at the hands of narcissists. Their knowledge & experiences have helped her tremendously, & their understanding & compassion validated her, which has enabled her to help other victims as she was helped. She likened it to a relationship between a recovering alcoholic & an active alcoholic. No one can understand the struggles of the active one like someone who has been in the same situation. Would you expect a person who has never drank so much as one beer to understand the struggles of someone who can’t go a day without drinking a fifth of whiskey? Absolutely not! So why would narcissistic abuse recovery be any different?
If you are looking for help in your healing journey, & won’t see a counselor for whatever reason, you can heal! I haven’t seen a counselor in many years either due to my lack of trust after seeing some less than caring ones. Like my friend though, have learned a great deal from others who have experiences similar to mine as well as studying narcissism. Consider looking for help elsewhere as she & I have. Connecting with people who share similar experiences is invaluable! Many online forums are available. As I mentioned, I have a wonderful group on Facebook, but there are many others too on Facebook or other websites. A quick internet search will point you to many of these forums.