Males Really Can Be Abused By Females

Abuse is usually associated with men being the perpetrators & women being the victims.  However, this is not always the case.  Male can be victims of abuse by females just as easily.  Unfortunately, society has made it difficult for males to speak out about their experiences of abuse, because they are expected to be strong & to never show weakness.  However, it’s important for males to know that it’s ok to admit that a female has abused them.  It doesn’t mean that they are weak, should be ashamed of what happened to them or are any less of a man.

Two examples of men who were abused by women are Sampson, who was abused by Delilah, & King Ahab, who was abused by Jezebel.  Sampson was a powerful man who was brought down by his love for Delilah.  Jezebel was a manipulative & controlling wife who ruled over her husband, King Ahab.  Both men suffered at the hands of their female abusers, but their stories are seldom discussed in much detail.

The first step in addressing the issue of female to male abuse is to break the stigma that surrounds it.  The belief that males, no matter their age, should always be strong & never show weakness has been ingrained in society for generations.  This makes it difficult for males to speak out about their experiences of abuse.  They need to know that it’s ok to ask for help & to seek support from others.

Males who have been abused often feel ashamed & embarrassed.  They worry that others will judge them or not believe their stories.  This is why it’s important for society to recognize that males can be victims of abuse & to provide them with the support they need.  It’s also important to challenge the belief that males should always be strong & never show vulnerability.  By doing so, we can create a more accepting & supportive environment for male victims.

It’s also important to note that male victims more often are abused emotionally & psychologically, rather than physically.  Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, & it’s important for males to understand that any form of abuse is not ok.

One of the reasons why female on male abuse is often overlooked is because females tend to be more covert in their abuse.  They are often better at hiding their abusive ways & convincing others that they are incapable of being abusive.  This makes it difficult for male victims to be believed.

Covert abuse can involve gaslighting, manipulation, & emotional blackmail.  Females who abuse males often use these tactics to control their victims & to make them feel powerless.  Male victims may not even realize that they are being abused, as the abuse is often subtle & disguised as caring behavior.

Male victims may feel unsure about what is happening to them. They may feel like they are going crazy or that they are imagining things.  It’s important for them to know that they are not alone & that there is help available.

If you are a male victim of abuse, you do not have to suffer in silence.  There are resources available, including online support groups, counseling, & therapy.  If you opt for therapy, it’s important to find a therapist who understands male victims, which may mean seeing a few therapists before finding the right one for you.  You’re also welcome to join my Facebook group.  Several male abuse victims are in my group, so you won’t be alone.  Here’s the link:  https://facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/?ref=share&mibextid=NSMWBT

It’s also important to reach out to friends & family members who you trust.  They may be much more supportive than you expect.

And never forget that God loves you, & is in your corner.  He is grieved you were abused & wants to help you heal.

Remember that there is no shame in admitting that you have been abused.  You are not weak, flawed or any less of a man because a female chose to abuse you.  She is the real problem, not you.

Not All “Good People” Are Truly Good

Have you ever known someone who seemed like the embodiment of kindness & compassion?  Someone who & has a reputation for being a “good person”?  It’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming that just because someone appears to be good, they must also be good in all aspects of their life.  However, the sad reality is that this is not always the case.  Abusers often present a different image to the outside world than the one they show their victims. 

Abusive individuals are masters of deception.  They know exactly how to present themselves as kind, caring, & trustworthy people, often going above & beyond to maintain this image.  One striking example is John Wayne Gacy, who was known as a pillar of his community & was involved in various charitable organizations.  It was shocking for many to discover that behind the facade of a good person, Gacy was responsible for the brutal murders of at least thirty-three men.  Similarly, Dennis Rader, known as the BTK killer, was a deacon in his church & a seemingly upstanding member of society.  Yet, he tortured & killed 10 people.

These cases serve as a stark reminder that abusers go to great lengths to maintain their “good person” image, & use it to deflect suspicion & ensure their victims remain isolated & disbelieved.  They manipulate those around them into believing that they are incapable of heinous acts.  As a result, many people find it difficult to reconcile the image they have of the abuser with the reality of their abusive behavior.

Of course, not all people labeled as “good” are abusive.  However, it is disturbing to note that almost every abusive & toxic person has been perceived as a “good person” by those around them.  This severe contrast between their public & private personas can make it incredibly challenging for victims to be believed when they disclose the abuse.  The disbelief & doubt they face compounds their trauma, leaving them feeling unheard & abandoned.

Abusers rely on the disbelief & doubt of others to maintain control over their victims.  Dismissing a victim’s claims provides support to the abuser & contributes to the isolation & silencing of victims. 

It is the responsibility of all people to offer support & believe victims when they disclose abuse.  Rather than not believing the victim & blindly supporting the abuser, we should focus on providing a safe & empathetic space for them to share their experiences.  By doing so, we can help break the cycle of abuse & create a culture that prioritizes the well being & safety of all individuals.

It can be unsettling to acknowledge that someone we considered to be good may be capable of inflicting harm on others.  However, it is crucial to challenge our assumptions.  Just because someone appears to be good doesn’t mean they are incapable of abusive behavior.  And, just because someone appears to have their act together doesn’t mean they can’t be a victim.  Victims are very good at hiding the abuse, since abusers train them to do this.

A Message For The Ladies

In the time that Jesus lived on the Earth, women were not exactly respected.  They weren’t allowed to participate in the activities of holy days, to talk to men outside of their home, to learn many basic things such as to read or even receive an inheritance.  Although things aren’t perfect today, women have it much better than they did in Jesus’ time.  In that era, women were supposed to be seen & not heard.

Thankfully, Jesus began to change this!  I find it so strange how many people think Christianity is oppressive to women, because the Bible is full of stories of how Jesus loved & taught everyone, not only men.  Women were among His closest companions.  Luke 8 tells of some of them.  Luke 8:2 mentions Mary Magdalene.  Jesus cast seven demons out of her & she devotedly followed him after that.  She was in fact at his trial & crucifixion.  Luke 8:3 mentions Joanna & Susanna along with many others whose names weren’t mentioned specifically.

There was also the prostitute who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears during a dinner at the house of a Pharisee.  Her story is told in Luke 7:36-50.

Another Mary is mentioned too.  She was the mother of one of the disciples of Jesus, James. 

John 4:7-30 tells the story of Jesus talking to a very sinful Samaritan woman.  At the time, most people wouldn’t have spoken with her, but Jesus did & talked to her with kindness, respect & love. 

We also can’t forget the woman caught in the act of adultery.  Her story is told in John 8.  The scribes & Pharisees demanded she be punished to the fullest extent of the law, yet interestingly, not one of them mentioned punishing the man she was with.  He reminded them that they weren’t perfect either.  Then He forgave her sin & told her not to sin again.  He showed her great mercy when many others would have stoned her to death.

Of course, we can’t forget Mary, the mother of Jesus!  She was with Him every possible moment of His time here on Earth.

Jesus loved these women dearly, & always treated them with love & respect.  He acknowledged their sins, but didn’t treat them as if that was what defined them.  He never talked down to them or treated them as society did, as if they were inferior.  He talked to them about anything & everything that interested them or that they needed to hear.  He praised their good deeds, such as the poor widow who gave a tiny amount in an offering because she gave all that she had.  

One of the best parts of how Jesus was with women is that He transformed their lives.  Rather than remaining seen & not heard, they ended up living lives of influence.  They made changes in the world around them.  That would have been impossible without Jesus!

Ladies, I want to encourage you today to be confident in yourself.  You are loved so much more than you know by God!  He supports you & wants only the best for you.  If you aren’t sure what His purpose for you is, start asking Him to show you.  Pay attention to the yearnings in your heart.  Start trying some things.  You’ll find out pretty quickly what you can & can’t do, what you love to do & what you don’t.  It may take a little time, but don’t be discouraged.  God has created you with a purpose & with the ability to fulfill that purpose!