I am a firm believer in trusting your instincts. Admittedly, growing up with narcissistic parents, you learn early in life not to do so, I certainly did, but as an adult, you need to learn to trust them. Your intuition won’t steer you wrong! I believe it’s the Holy Spirit guiding us gently, not some weird psychic power, & the Holy Spirit needs to be acknowledged! Learning to listen to your instincts can help you in so many ways & make your life much easier.
For months now, I have been feeling it’s time to go no contact with my narcissistic parents. After our big argument last May, I realized I was done with them. But, I haven’t been able to say the words. Something in me was making it impossible to take that step. Why was simply beyond me. I had gone no contact with my mother in 2001 for 7 years, so what was the problem? I was sure since I have done it before, I could do it again. But something in me didn’t feel right about taking that step this time, & frankly, it hasn’t for a long time in spite of wanting to. That is why I went low contact- it was as close as I felt able to go to no contact. Honestly, it was bugging me pretty badly. I felt like I must look like a hypocrite to my readers. I encourage people who want to go no contact to take that step, but here I was, not doing it. What was wrong with me?!
I prayed again recently about it, & God gave me my answer!
My parents are currently in their late 70’s. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago & has a host of other serious health problems. My mother is healthy but has back problems so she needs a lot of help on a daily basis. If I went no contact at this point, it would NOT go well for me. The situation would be viewed as me abandoning my elderly, helpless parents in their time of need rather than me protecting myself from abusive people. My parents would go into the victim role. It’d be very easy to lose what little family I have left as most haven’t seen my parents’ true colors. Maybe they would turn into flying monkeys which is something I really do NOT want to deal with. I would also feel incredibly guilty. Even just wanting to take the step has made me feel guilty, so I’m sure it would be magnified if I actually did it, in spite of knowing it’s in the best interest of my physical & mental health. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to cope with that guilt.
God was quite adamant with me during this prayer about not being the one to initiate no contact, just keep my distance & only deal with my parents if I feel able. (Well, I should say my father since my mother still hasn’t spoken to me since the night of our fight.) My behavior will push them away naturally. I have no more trouble calling them out on bad, hurtful, abusive behavior (which is what started the fight) or setting boundaries. My parents can’t handle such things from me, so this has been pushing them away for a while now, but even more since that fight.
My point in all of this is I am so grateful I listened to my instincts rather than outsiders or even my own logic telling me to go no contact. If I did that, just look at the problems I could be facing right now! I thank God for guiding me! Doing things His way definitely will make my life much easier.
Please learn from me on this topic & trust your instincts too! They will not lead you wrong, even when you don’t understand what the plan is. Ask God to help you to learn to trust your instincts, to guide your words & your actions & to keep you in His perfect will for your life. You will be very blessed by doing so!