I never, ever want to come across as someone who trashes other authors, especially those who write about the same topics I do. I realize we all have our different views even on the same topic, & honestly, I think that’s pretty cool! Different people can have different ideas & views, so I think it’s great when a person finds an author they can relate to, even if it’s not me. The most important thing is that people find the help they need.
That being said..
Recently I was scrolling Facebook & saw a meme from one blogger with whom I’ve had issues. We were friends on Facebook several years ago, & followed each other’s blogs. A couple of months into our new friendship, I began to see some signs of narcissism. I hoped I was just being paranoid, but I kept looking for whatever the truth was. Then one day, her mask came off. She disagreed with something I said in a blog post & proceeded to tell me how wrong I was. Some of my regular readers disagreed with her & told her that. She then blocked & unfriended me. Mind you, I wasn’t even online at the time & didn’t know this was happening until hours later.. yet, she still was mad at & blamed me.
This, Dear Readers, is why I try to remind you fairly often not to blindly follow or believe in anyone, not even me. Not that I don’t appreciate having fans. I really do appreciate every single one of you. The truth is though that we all are imperfect. We may share something we honestly think is true only to find out later it isn’t. Or, we may share some advice that helped us but it may not help you simply because of the differences in our personalities.
Plus, there are some who write about narcissism that are narcissists. I admit, I haven’t seen that often, but I have seen it, such as in the story I told earlier. Narcissists are attracted to helping professions such as police, teachers, pastors, therapists & more. It makes sense they would want to write to reach others & manipulate them that way. There’s also the admiration factor. If someone has been helped by something you wrote, that person is going to admire you. That is a nice ego boost to anyone, but it’s huge narcissistic supply to a narcissist.
If you start to follow someone on social media or a blog who writes about narcissism, there are some red flags to narcissism to look for.
How does the person interact with his or her readers? The blogger I mentioned? Her followers had almost a cult/cult leader relationship with her. Regulars never disagreed with her. If a new follower dared to disagree, the regular followers got angry with the one who disagreed. She would diffuse the situation eventually, but came across smug when she did, saying things like that person just doesn’t know any better because they haven’t been through what she (the blogger) has. The person who disagreed would disappear quickly.
Another red flag is does the person constantly brag, even in a subtle way. The blogger I mentioned did that constantly. She mentioned on a regular basis how many people looked to her for advice, including mental health professionals (she wasn’t one, just FYI).
An attitude of superiority with readers is not good either. Granted, most of us who have been writing about NPD have been doing so for a long time & know a lot. That being said though, we don’t know everything, & if we’re smart, we’re well aware of that! Also, watch how this person answers questions. A narcissist will act like the question is stupid, or she is too good to have time to respond to such a question, whereas the average person won’t act that way.
This blogger also only shared memes that she made of things she has said or articles she has written. That was a big red flag, because I’ve never seen that with any other blogger or author. Most want to help people, & will share helpful memes & articles often, no matter who has written them.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to avoid narcissists entirely. At least you can be aware of the subtle signs of narcissism people exhibit online so you know who you need to avoid.
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 