Being Rejected For Not Tolerating Narcissistic Abuse Is Actually A Blessing In Disguise

Have you ever been rejected by your family & in-laws who despise you simply because you refuse to tolerate narcissistic abuse?  It’s an incredibly challenging & isolating experience.  At first, the rejection may be difficult to accept, but in time, you can realize that this rejection is actually a blessing in disguise.  The people who blindly support & enable narcissists are incredibly dysfunctional & toxic, & their rejection is proof that you are on the right path towards healing & growth.  Losing these individuals from your life opens the door for better people to come in, & with trust in God, you can be certain that He will send good people your way.

As a scapegoat & a victim of narcissistic abuse, I understand just how painful it can be to face rejection from your own family & in-laws.  I want my experience to provide reassurance that you are not alone & that you will survive this experience with grace & dignity. 

When I first experienced the rejection from my family & in-laws for not tolerating their narcissistic abuse, it was so painful & isolating!  The people who were supposed to love & support me turned their backs on me, simply because I refused to accept their toxic behavior.  It showed me that those who blindly support & enable narcissists are themselves dysfunctional & toxic individuals, & more often than not, narcissists themselves.

Over time as I began to reflect on their rejection, I came to understand that their hatred & animosity towards me were not a reflection of my worth or character.  In fact, their rejection was proof that I was on the right path.  People who hate truth & healthy, functional individuals are not the kind of people anyone needs in their lives. 

I also learned that the rejection of such people is not a reflection of anyone’s value as a person.  It’s more a reflection of their envy, insecurity, fear, lack of courage & desire to face truth.  By distancing ourselves from these toxic individuals, we create space for healthier relationships & a more fulfilling life.

During my darkest moments, when I felt completely rejected & alone, I turned to my faith in God.  It was at this time I found Psalm 68:6 in the Amplified Bible.  The first half of this verse says, “God makes a home for the lonely.”  This verse is so true!  He has sent wonderful people into my life who are healthy, functional, kind, caring & a thousand times better than any one of those who rejected me.  They are my family now, even though we aren’t biologically related.

Remember, you are not alone in your journey.  There are others who have experienced similar rejection & have come out stronger on the other side.  Surround yourself with people who understand & validate your experiences.  Seek out support groups or communities where you can share your story, gain strength, & find solace in the presence of others who have walked the same path.

While the initial rejection & loss of family & in-laws may be painful, it is essential to recognize that it is truly a blessing in disguise.  By removing toxic individuals from our lives, we create space for personal growth, healing, & the opportunity to cultivate healthy relationships.  We are no longer burdened by the constant emotional abuse & manipulation that comes with being in the presence of narcissists & their enablers.

Remember, you deserve to be surrounded by love, respect, & kindness.  Don’t settle for toxic relationships just because they are familiar or because they are so called “family.”  Being related by blood or marriage to someone who thinks they have the right to control you & demand that you tolerate abuse is a nightmare.  Having relationships with people God sends your way is infinitely better!  Have faith in the journey ahead & trust that better people are waiting to come into your life.

Rejection Takes Many Forms

Rejection is a huge part of narcissistic abuse.  It may not seem like it at first, but when you think about it, it really is.

Rejection isn’t only kicking someone out of your life.  Rejection can take many other forms.

Telling someone that they aren’t good enough is a form of rejection.

A parent failing to protect their child is rejecting the child.

Not allowing a child to have any rights is rejection.

Not hearing a child is rejection.

Invalidating a child is certainly rejection.

Treating a child as if the child has no value is rejection.

Rejection in childhood is extremely damaging.  It can destroy a child’s self-esteem, inhibits their ability to trust people, & makes them relate to others in unhealthy ways.  They can develop anxiety or anger problems.

To undo this damage, prayer is vital, in my opinion.  Ask God where to start.

I also believe that learning what the Bible has to say about you is very important.  I created a list of positive affirmations, & put them on my website.  Feel free to print them out if you like.  They can be found here: http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Positive-Affirmations.php

Another thing that I find is important is realizing that any parent who rejects her own child has problems.  Narcissists are incredibly dysfunctional in their thinking, which is why they hurt even their own children.  They have problems!  Normal people don’t deliberately hurt anyone, especially their own children.

Dear Reader, just because you have been rejected by your parent doesn’t mean you are bad or flawed or whatever they said about you.  You are a child of God, & God doesn’t make mistakes!

Psalm 27:10  “Although my father and my mother have abandoned me,
Yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”  (AMP)

Rejection & Narcissistic Abuse

Part of the reason narcissistic abuse is so damaging is the rejection.  Rejection is at the core of many behaviors done by narcissists.  Not hearing someone is rejecting them.  Not allowing someone to have any rights is rejection.  Mocking & criticizing someone is rejection.  Failing to protect a child is rejecting them.  Not being validated is rejection.

 

Rejection hurts, whether you’re a child or adult, & no matter who does the rejecting.  However, it seems to me a child rejected by a parent hurts more than anything, & the pain often continues well into adulthood.  There are ways to cope however.

 

You have to realize that a parent who abuses (rejects) their child is the one with the problem, not the child.  I know, that is a tough thing to really get a good grasp on, but it is vital that you do!  A child cannot do anything that forces her parent to reject her- that is on the parent.

 

When your parent rejects or hurts you, ask God to tell you the truth about the situation.  As soon as possible, get into prayer.  Ask God, “Is my parent right in what she said about me?”  “Did I deserve to be treated that way?”  or any other questions you may have, then wait on Him to speak to you.  God cannot lie.  He will tell you the truth, & it will heal your wounds!  I have done this many times.  God has carried me through some incredibly painful experiences by simply speaking His truth, the real truth, to my heart.

 

Look at the situation from your parent’s perspective.  If your parent is a narcissist & you aren’t, this can be kind of tricky, but I encourage you to try it.  It will show you the depths of their dysfunction, which will help you to understand that you aren’t the problem.  For example, my mother has always had problems with my looks.  I look absolutely nothing like her, but instead look like my father’s family, in particular my grandmother.  Looking at it through my mother’s eyes, I can see how this is a problem.  My mother told me she assumed I would look like her when I was born, but I didn’t.  She hates her in-laws, all of them, & here I am, looking like them instead of her.  Her mother in-law to boot!  Does that mean it was OK for her to be so hyper critical & cruel to me about my looks?  Of course not.  But, understanding that showed me that I’m not the repulsive, ugly creature she always treated me like, & my mother has problems to treat me that way!  In fact, my grandmom was a beauty in her youth, so I consider it an honor to look like her.

 

Accept the fact that your parent isn’t capable of loving you in a normal, healthy way that a parent should love a child.  This one is hard & very painful, but you need to do it.  If you don’t, you might cling to the hope that she’ll change.  Instead, you’ll constantly be disappointed that your parent didn’t treat you better this time when you saw each other.  Your parent not changing has nothing to do with you- no one can make another person change.  Instead, it has everything to do with your parent not wishing to change, to be emotionally healthier.

 

Talk about your pain.  Pray.  Talk to a trusted friend or relative.  Write in your journal.  Get the hurt & pain out of you so it doesn’t poison you.

Be prepared- you may feel anger that you’ve never felt before.   The more you heal from narcissistic abuse, the more you see things through a healthier perspective.  That means that what was once normal for you suddenly you see as incredibly dysfunctional or abusive.  This is going to make you angry.  I started getting angry at my mother a few years ago for ordering me around like I was her personal slave rather than asking me to do thing for her.  All my life, that was just how she was.  No biggie.  Once I got much healthier, I realized I deserve better than to be bossed around so disrespectfully, & it made me very angry.  As the anger rises up in you, don’t be afraid of it.  Don’t ignore it, because it won’t just go away.  Find healthy ways of dealing with it.  Talk to God about it.  Vent to someone close.  Write scathing, angry letters that you don’t show to anyone.  Just get the anger out of you!

Rejection

Being rejected hurts, & if you too have a narcissistic mother, you know this all too well. They seem to live to let their children know that they constantly disappointed in us, & this doesn’t end with childhood. It carries over into adulthood. Your mother hates your job, the way you dress, your home, your spouse or countless other things about you & reminds you of that constantly. It hurts! No matter how accustomed to this you are, it still hurts.

There is one good thing that can come from rejection though. Rejection causes a hunger for God you may not get any other way. Psalm 119:71 says,  “It was good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Thy statutes.”. While rejection certainly isn’t pleasant, it can make you want answers, & can turn you to God as nothing else can.

I’ve been a Christian since 1996, & in that time, I can’t even count how many times I’ve cried out to God when my mother has hurt me. Not only has He comforted me in those painful times, He has shown me how He sees me. Knowing God sees me as valuable, precious & someone He is proud of has helped me not to be devastated when my mother is cruel to me.

God can do the same for you. When you’re rejected or hurt in any way by your narcissistic mother, get alone as soon as you can. Then, ask your Heavenly Father to comfort you & to tell you what He thinks of you. You will be amazed! He loves you so much! He also will heal your pain. While your mother’s cruelty certainly always will sting, (she is your mother after all, so her opinion naturally matters!,) God fills you with His healing words, most of the pain will vanish. It’s an amazing, wonderful thing!