Signs That Someone Lacks Self Awareness

Self awareness is the ability to be introspective & analyze one’s own thoughts, feelings, & behaviors.  It is vital to good mental health.  It also plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy relationships by enabling people to understand & regulate their emotions, empathize with others, & communicate effectively.  When interacting with those who lack self awareness, certain signs manifest.  Today we will discuss a few of them.

One of the foremost signs of dealing with someone who lacks self awareness is their evident lack of empathy towards others.  These people often are not completely void of empathy.  They simply thoughtlessly act without considering how their behavior may hurt or affect those around them.  Unlike the occasional lapses in judgment that everyone has periodically, their thoughtless actions are consistent, & they demonstrate a disregard for the feelings & well being of others.  Their focus remains primarily on their own wants, needs & emotions, neglecting to consider the impact of their actions on the people they interact with daily.

People who lack self awareness often exhibit defensive behavior when confronted with the repercussions of their actions.  Rather than considering what the person says, then reflecting on their behavior & accepting its natural consequences, they retaliate when criticized or called out for their hurtful or thoughtless conduct.  They become very upset when others express any anger or disappointment towards them.  They also fail to acknowledge the fact that their behavior is what caused the other person to feel as they do.  In their eyes, other people’s reactions are always the problem, not their behavior.  For someone who is not self aware, they do not stop their confrontation & consider their role in this unexpected argument.  

While not everyone lacking self awareness may meet the criteria for a clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they often exhibit traits commonly associated with narcissism.  Their behavior may include superficiality in both thoughts & actions, reflecting their shallow understanding of themselves & others, selfishness, insensitivity, lack of caring about how their behavior affects others & portraying themselves as innocent victims when confronted on their behavior.  You can identify them from a true narcissist because although they do show some tendencies, there are times when they do exhibit genuine empathy, generosity & kindness when doing so will not benefit them, unlike the superficial versions that narcissists display when trying to manipulate people.

When faced with someone who lacks self awareness, remember that you cannot change this person.  They are fine with being as they are, & will remain this way until such a time as they realize they need to change.  Keep your expectations of this person low, remembering that they are incapable of better behavior at this time.  Maintain healthy boundaries with them.  And most importantly, never forget to ask God to show you the best ways to deal with them,

In conclusion, recognizing the signs of dealing with someone who lacks self awareness is essential for healthy relationships. Understanding the manifestation of this behavior along with maintaining a good prayer life enables you to decide how to approach & interact with such people mindfully. 

About Ignorance vs Malice

“You can’t get mad. He just doesn’t know any better.” I think all of us who have been victimized by a narcissist have heard this statement at some point. It’s said by those who either have absolutely no understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those flying monkeys who enthusiastically enable narcissists to abuse.

This statement can be very unsettling. You can feel so angry by the abuse but then you stop in your tracks. Maybe the person who said this is right, & the narcissist truly doesn’t know any better.  You feel badly for being angry with someone for doing something they don’t know is wrong.

Long before I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I was in this situation.  I had problems with my now deceased mother in-law from about the moment we met.  Obviously I didn’t know what to do since I knew nothing of narcissism.  I decided to talk to my husband in the hopes he would have ideas on how to help me get along with his mother.  When I first told my husband about the problems I had with his mother, he said that she didn’t know any better.  He truly believed it, & I thought maybe he was right.  His mother gave the impression of being very naïve, after all.  I also knew her mother in-law never liked her.  Maybe the problem was that she had no other experience beyond the negativity between her & her mother in-law, & being naïve, she didn’t know how to act better towards me.  Logically, it made sense, & I felt terrible for being so upset with my mother in-law for quite some time & silently tolerated her abuse.  Yet, “she doesn’t know any better” didn’t sit right with me.

Eventually I realized why the ignorance plea felt wrong.  I realized she wasn’t ignorant, she was malicious.  I thought I’d share those realizations with you today so if someone tells you that the narcissist in your life doesn’t know any better, you won’t suffer needlessly as I did.

If someone is truly ignorant of their actions, they won’t hide their behavior.  Why would they?  If they aren’t aware that what they’re doing is wrong, there’s no need to hide it.  Someone who is knowingly doing something wrong is going to hide their actions.  My husband never once saw his mother say or do anything inappropriate to me.  Not once in the eight years she was in my life before I walked away.  We saw her often, too, but she never slipped up.  If she truly didn’t know that she was treating me badly, why would she have hidden her behavior towards me?  She would have treated me the same no matter who was around.

A malicious person doesn’t listen.  A person who is told that their actions are hurting someone yet repeats the actions over & over is malicious.  By continuing to hurt someone, they are proving by their actions that they either don’t care that their actions cause someone else pain or that they enjoy deliberately causing pain.  However, if you confront someone who is truly unaware of the pain their actions cause, they will change their behavior, apologize & even try to make it up to the person they hurt if at all possible.  They also won’t repeat the hurtful behavior again.

An ignorant person doesn’t change their actions just because another person enters the room, but a malicious person does.  A malicious person will change their behavior if someone whose opinion they value comes along so that person continues to think well of them.  Ignorant people won’t think that way because they don’t think their behavior is something that can be construed as bad or wrong.

When in a situation where you are told the person mistreating you simply doesn’t know any better, please consider these three scenarios.  They should help you to realize quickly if the person in question truly is ignorant of the pain their actions cause or if they are deliberately mistreating you.

When People Believe You Need To Think As They Do

I’ve noticed that many people think others should believe as they do.  People really can be downright shaming if you don’t share their passions.

Quite a few years ago, I said something to one of my football watching aunts about the fact my husband likes football & I hate it, always have.  She verbally jumped me for not trying harder to like it, & she also said I needed to watch games with him so we can enjoy football together.  It was surprising to me because I wasn’t complaining or looking for some solution- I just made a simple statement.  I also remember thinking, “I love knitting.  I don’t see you scolding him & telling him he needs to learn to knit so we can buy yarn or knit together.”  I wish I’d said that- it might have helped her to see how ludicrous & over the top her reaction was.

I’ve experienced similar reactions from people who are extremely focused on politics when they learn I’m not.  In fact, the topic doesn’t interested me in the slightest.  I also don’t have the desire in me to learn enough about candidates to make an informed decision on who to vote for, so I don’t vote.  This apparently infuriates some people who are deeply interested in politics, & some have been downright shaming & nasty to me because of this.  Not that I would do it, but it makes me want to be equally shaming & nasty to them for not helping to raise awareness of narcissistic abuse or help victims.  It’d only be fair, after all, wouldn’t it?

I used to be upset by my aunt & the other people who were equally nasty to me.  Then I realized something.

Not every cause can be your cause.  People believe differently & have varied interests.  That doesn’t mean something is wrong with one person & right with another because they think differently.  It simply means they’re different.

There are many valid causes that need support, awareness & activists out there.  No one can support them all though!  That would leave no time for people to do anything else, like work or sleep.  It’s much better to focus on what means the most to you than to spread yourself too thin by supporting many causes.

And, every person is unique, right down to our fingerprints & DNA.  It is only natural that the causes we support & things that interest us also would be unique.

If you’re in the position of someone shaming you for not sharing their interests or supporting their causes, ignore them!  They aren’t worth your frustration.  They have no right to tell you what to think or how to feel.  You do what is right for you.  You have your own path to walk in life, & the approval of other people is NOT required to do it.  What you do & what you believe in is ultimately between you & God, not you & other people.

If you’re actively in this situation, try changing the subject.  A reasonable person will be fine with that.  If the person isn’t reasonable, then you can tell them you don’t feel comfortable discussing this topic with them & if they continue, you’ll hang up the phone or leave the room.  If they ask why, you can tell them the truth- because they are being disrespectful, nasty, etc. on this topic.  If the person you’re speaking with is truly being obnoxious, you could try logic.  Comments like, “Because you feel/believe that way means I should too?  Why?  Give me a good reason.”  or, “That has never interested me, & I am well aware of that fact.  Why should I do something I have zero interest in?”  Statements like this can often shut a person down pretty quickly, because they realize how ridiculous their behavior is.

In conclusion, just remember there is nothing wrong with you for having the interests you have or not having the ones you don’t.  God made you to be unique, so be unique & enjoy it!

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness

There are no pretty ribbons or months dedicated to narcissistic abuse awareness or to help comfort or inspire victims.  This seems so wrong to me since narcissistic abuse really is an epidemic.

 

A few months back, I created The Butterfly Project in an attempt to change this.  It hasn’t felt like enough, though.

 

I recently decided to make bracelets that I hope will comfort & inspire victims as well as raise awareness.   I did my best to keep the cost reasonable & quality decent.

 

For more detailed information, click the link below.

http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Narcissistic-Abuse-Awareness-Bracelets.php

June 3, 2013

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!

Did you know that June is National PTSD awareness month?  Neither did I until a little while ago. 

The link below has some good information on the topic:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/about/ptsd-awareness/ptsd_awareness_month.asp

If you know someone with PTSD or C-PTSD, then please check it out, & help to increase knowledge & erase the stigma of mental illness. 

Also, if you know someone with this disorder, then there are some things you can do to help them:

• Don’t judge!  We get judged enough from other people- we don’t need judgment from those close to us, too.
• Ask questions if you don’t understand.
• Be understanding with us- sometimes we just don’t feel like going somewhere or doing something you want to do. 
• Remeber, no one wants PTSD or C-PTSD.  If it makes you uncomfortable, just think of how it must be for those of us with it!