Once you learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it becomes a bit of an obsession. Everyone seems to do the same thing once they learn about it- they read everything they can get their hands on about NPD. They join online forums. They talk about it often. Thankfully the newness does wear off some, they realize it’s not healthy to be so obsessed & they begin to take breaks where they refuse to think about it or their experiences with narcissistic abuse. Even so, NPD is still a frequent topic of reading material, discussion & even thoughts.
Why does this happen?
I believe it happens because for one thing, there’s finally an answer. Growing up with narcissistic parents, we’re told we’re the problem. No matter what, it’s our fault. If we could just do/be more, better, prettier, etc etc etc, they wouldn’t have to act the way they do. Yet, when we do our best to be what our parents want us to be, it still isn’t good enough. They still abuse us or they tell us they never wanted that out of us, they wanted this instead & we are all wrong. This situation creates a child who feels like a failure because she didn’t fix things she isn’t even capable of fixing. She feels the weight of the world on her shoulders. As an adult, learning about NPD, she realizes for the first time in her life that she isn’t the problem. She isn’t the reason things were so horrible with her parents- her parents are the reason! It’s incredibly freeing! By reading about NPD often, it’s a constant reminder that she is OK & that she isn’t the awful person her parents said she was.
Unfortunately, the gaslighting & brainwashing of narcissistic parents goes incredibly deep. Reading such information a few times doesn’t really cut it. We have to read it & talk about it repeatedly to constantly remind us that we aren’t the problem. In my situation, I have had moments of revelation where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I’m not the one with the problem & my parents have always been incredibly abusive. Yet, even so, I still have doubts about that sometimes. I wonder if I’m completely wrong & they are right after all. Reading about, writing about & discussing narcissistic help me to keep in mind the simple truths about them being abusive & I’m not to blame.
Dear Reader, if you are doing this, please don’t feel bad. You’re simply a normal victim of narcissistic abuse. I would bet all of us obsess to a degree over the topic. Maybe not forever, but at the very least for a while.
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 