Tag Archives: writer

Changes Happening With My Website

I have recently changed my website domain registration & hosting to a new company.  It’s going through those changes as we speak.  From what I see, it may take about a week for things to change then possibly add in more time for me to learn the new website building software & get it back up & running.

 

I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause!  It’s unavoidable, though- my last website host & domain registrar went out of business without telling its customers.  In order to make any changes to my site, I had to make a change.  I really think it’s for the best though- this new company has no limits on how big my site can be or how many visitors it has each month!  Pretty cool, really.. just the change that isn’t so cool.

 

Anyway hopefully within the next 1-2 weeks, my site will be back & better than before at www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com .  Thank you, Dear Reader, for your understanding & patience!  xoxo

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Writing About Narcissistic Abuse

I saw a meme on Facebook earlier today.  It said, “Write as though your mother will never read it.”  Considering what I write about, I liked it.  I also realize many of you who read my blog either currently write about the narcissistic abuse you’ve been through or are considering doing it.  This meme made me think of sharing a bit of encouragement for you today.

 

I know writing about the worst, most painful experiences in your life isn’t easy.  It’s hard writing out your experiences.  Seeing them in black & white makes them more real & can make the pain of them even worse.  There is something good about this pain though.  It’s also validating, seeing your traumatic experiences in writing.  You get the validation you never got.  You can’t minimize your suffering or deny that the experiences were horrific when you see them in writing.  Writing also can help you to process the trauma in a way speaking about it doesn’t.  While you’re writing to help others, you’re also helping yourself.

 

Writing about the abuse inflicted on you also can be intimidating.  What if your abuser reads it?  That thought can be utterly terrifying.  It was for me at first.  I worried what would happen if my parents learned I was writing about the abuse inflicted on me as a child?!  How would they respond?  Could I cope with it?  How?  Would they try to sue me for libel?  Would the flying monkeys attack me?  A million awful questions ran through my mind.  After time & prayer, I finally was able to ignore those questions.  I began to trust that God would not only allow me to write about whatever He wanted me to, but He also would enable me to deal with any fallout from my parents or flying monkeys.

 

You can trust Him to help you too.  You also can use some common sense ways to protect yourself.

 

  • You can use a pen name.  Many authors have written books under a pseudonym to protect their identity.  If you’re writing a blog rather than books, you can avoid using your name entirely.  You can name your blog something like, “Daughter Of A Narcissistic Mother” or, “My Ex Is A Narcissist”.  Many bloggers use this method of protecting their identity, & it seems to be quite effective.
  • You can change the names of people in your writing.  As an example, don’t refer to your narcissistic brother Steve by his real name.  Call him Paul instead.  You also could change the relationship.  You could say he’s your cousin rather than your brother.
  • Never give specifics in your writing.  Don’t mention your abuser’s address  obviously, but also don’t mention the name of the town they live in.
  • Always remember what libel is & write accordingly.  According to the Cornell Law School, libel is defined as follows: “Libel is a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person’s reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession.”
  • Stick to the facts only.  Tell your stories in a matter of fact way, leaving emotion out of it wherever possible.  When your emotions are vital to the story, you can say comments like, “When my abuser did _____, it made me feel _____.” If you come across angry in your writing or calling your abuser names, your writing could come across as libelous.  Sticking to a matter of fact way of telling your story avoids that.
  • If you’re considering writing your autobiography, you also can write it as a fictional story rather than non fiction.  Change some details around to make your fictional story a bit different than your real story.

 

Regarding your abuser & possibly flying monkeys reading your work, with any luck, they won’t.  I was fortunate in that my parents didn’t care to read my writing.  In fact, my mother told me it was nothing but a waste of time.  Not everyone is that fortunate, however.  If this happens, remember what I’ve said before about protecting yourself from these attacks.  Block the narcissist’s & flying monkeys’ access to you in every possible way.  Document their abuse in case you need it in the future.  Save screen shots, emails & texts to some type of cloud storage or email it to yourself rather than simply on your phone or computer so it’s protected against failing electronics.  If they create a smear campaign against you, don’t react to it.  Your reaction won’t change the minds of anyone who wants to believe it & the narcissist & flying monkeys will claim your reaction is proof that you are what they say you are.

 

If you feel led to write about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, it may not be easy but I can promise you that it will be very rewarding!  I wish you only the best!  xoxo

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Wisdom In Reading About Narcissistic Abuse

I’ve noticed something about some people who write blogs or facebook pages.  Not all of course, but quite a few seem to think they have all the answers.  Many of these authors do have a great deal of wisdom, don’t misunderstand me.  They offer plenty of helpful insight.  However, being human, they can be wrong sometimes, too.  I have seen some provide information  I am 100% sure is wrong while stating that information as fact.

 

Don’t get me wrong- I’m not trying to trash other authors in the hopes you will follow me only, or say that I have all the answers.  I hope I don’t sound that way, because that isn’t the case.  I’m learning as I go just like you are, & share what I learn as I learn it & as I believe God leads me.

 

I’m telling you this because when you read blogs, facebook pages, books & websites like mine, you need to be aware that sometimes, the authors may make mistakes (yes, me too, even though I try not to!).  It’s never wise to blindly assume everything someone writes is 100% accurate, even if the person is an expert.  Besides, even your personal beliefs may clash with an author’s, & that is fine too.  You can follow an author’s writing without agreeing with 100% of everything he or she says.

 

Also, unfortunately some who write about narcissists are narcissists themselves.  I know it is hard to believe, but I have seen it first hand.  I used to follow someone who from pretty early on, I noticed a few signs of narcissism.  I thought I was just over sensitive.  As time wore on, she read something I wrote & commented how wrong I was.  Another fan defended me, & they got into a rather heated disagreement online.  This happened after I got off my computer for the night, so I didn’t know about it until the following morning.  I was shocked that morning to discover what happened, & to discover the other author blocked me.

 

This was a learning experience though.

 

I learned that if your instincts are telling you someone is a narcissist, even if she teaches on the topic, don’t ignore that gut feeling!  It’s there for a reason!  Watch her carefully, as what she says & how she treats her readers will reveal the truth eventually.

 

Also, watch how a person states information.  If they brag about how much they know or are admired, those are narcissistic red flags.

 

Someone who discusses her experiences in a manner as if to say no one can have a different experience is most likely a narcissist.

 

Be aware of someone who is not open to others having different beliefs or handling things in a way that isn’t as if the author would handle it.  There are so many gray areas when it comes to topics like narcissistic abuse or C-PTSD.  Some authors only believe in no contact, for example, & can be shaming to those of us who aren’t no contact.  (The one I mentioned above talked to me as if I was a fool for going low contact with my narcissistic mother instead of no contact.)  This type of person fails to realize that there is no one size fits all way to handle narcissists.

 

Mostly though, rely on God.  Ask Him to help you know who to read & what information of those authors is applicable to you.  Matthew 10:16  says, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” (KJV)  That is exactly how you need to be in every area in life, including your own healing from narcissistic abuse!

 

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For Everyone Who Reads My Work

I just wanted to take a moment today to talk to all of you who read my blog, & to extend a very warm welcome all of my new followers!  I can’t thank you enough for following my blog- it is very humbling & flattering when people read what I write.  I never take anyone for granted, & truly appreciate every one of you who follow my writing.

Even more humbling & flattering are all of the wonderful comments I’ve received lately about how my work is helping people from old & new fans.  Thank you so much everyone!!

I honestly never expected to write about the topics I write about.  God led me in this direction, & it’s not an easy one.  Some days it is extremely draining emotionally & physically, thinking so much about such a horrible thing as NPD & all of the problems it has caused me.  But, when I learn that what I write is helping people, that makes it all worth while.  Your kind words & desire to read what I wrote motivate me to keep going, as well as to keep learning & growing, partly so I can share what God teaches me with you.  Thank you everyone for helping me to fulfill the call God has put on me, & also to help myself heal.  Sending all of you much love, & praying for you too.  xoxo

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Share Your Story!

Recently I was talking with someone who made sure I know she believes my writing isn’t important, even knowing that I believe writing is one of my purposes in life.

*sigh*

This sort of thing happens a lot more often than I like.  My writing as well as what I write about are often trivialized.  I also know it happens to so many others who have been abused & share their story, which breaks my heart.  I’ve been dealing with invalidation for so long, that I’m used to it.  It makes me angry, but I know that what I said is valid, & people who invalidate others have issues.  Normal, healthy people respect other people enough not to trivialize their painful experiences, even if they don’t understand them or agree with them. Many others who experience this painful type of invalidation haven’t reached that place yet, & are discouraged or deeply hurt by such cruel words.  This makes me so angry, which is partly why I write about this topic so often.

I read something that explained beautifully why those of us who have been through abuse should continue to tell our story, & I wanted to share it with you today…

“There is nothing safe in sharing your story.  There is nothing safe about turning your own soul inside out with the details that come slowly or quickly, from shallow breaths or deep within, from the light or from the shadows.  There is nothing safe about sharing the images painted within your memories, the language that proves a life has been lived, the details scratched into paper from blood, from skin, from love, & fear.  Nothing protects what is spoken, read or heard.  There are no shields against bitter misunderstanding, jealousy or prejudice- yet we speak.  We sing.  We write in the hopes of changing the world.  We share the truth we have lived & the characters we have loved.  In moments of courage, we give it all away.”  – Mardra Sikora

Please remember this wonderful quote when someone tries to keep you quiet!  You have every right to share your story & to help others by doing so.  In fact, you should celebrate yourself by being brave enough to share your story & caring enough to do it in spite of your own fears!

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As Many People As You Can Help, You Can Hurt

I was talking with my husband the other night about my work.  I mentioned how other teachings on narcissism I read sometimes just don’t sit well with me even if I normally agree 100% with the author’s thoughts, & how I do my best to be sure what I say can be backed up in the Bible.  One thing came to mind during this conversation that has been in the back of my mind for years now,since before I started writing, in fact..

I was watching Joyce Meyer preaching on TV one day.  She said she’d been asking God for more & more people to reach & to be able to help.  In response to her prayer, God told her that as many people as she can help, she can also hurt, so be careful.  i thought this is incredibly wise!

So many people find someone whose teachings or preaching they like.  They relate to much of what that person has to say, & they almost blindly follow anything that person says.  This is NOT wise to do, however!  Just because you identify with this person’s preaching or teaching, doesn’t mean this person is always right!  All human beings make a mistake sometimes!

I do my level best in my blog, on my website, in my books & anything I write to make sure what I say can be verified by the Bible.  Yet, even so, I’m human.  I’m sure I’ve made mistakes sometimes & will continue to make mistakes. I just try my best to keep those mistakes to a minimum.

I have been blessed with some wonderful, caring, intelligent, empathetic fans who have sent me wonderful messages of support & thanking me for all I write.  It’s amazing!  I love those messages.  But, I also want you to be sure that if you follow my writing, don’t do so blindly!  If something doesn’t sound right to you, look it up.  Pray about it.  Like I said, I do my best not to make mistakes, but sometimes I just might make them anyway!  & if you find something I’ve written is wrong, feel free to let me know your thoughts.  I am very aware of what Joyce Meyer has said, that as many people as I can help, I can also hurt, & hurting people is the absolute last thing I want to do.

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My New Book Is Almost Ready For Publishing!

Good news!

My current book, “It’s All About ME! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” is almost ready for publishing in print & ebook forms! I am hopeful to have this done in the very near future. I’d like to say within a few days, but since I never know how I’m going to feel (thank you, C-PTSD), I’ll say within a couple of weeks instead just to be safe. I will post when it is published, & share links of where the books can be purchased.

Thank you everyone for your support & encouragement while writing this difficult book!

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Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books until November 4th!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

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May 1, 2013

Five of my books are coming to amazon within a few weeks! They will be available only in print on amazon for now. Both the ebook and print versions are still available on my website. For further details, click on the “Books For Sale” link at:

www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

The titles that are coming soon are:

Pawprints On Our Hearts” (What God says about how we should love animals, & how much He loves them)

 
Lessons From The Heart: What Animals Have Taught Me About Life And Love” (beautiful lessons I have learned from the special animals in my life.) 

All I Know About Marriage, I Learned The Hard Way!” (tips to help you have a happier marriage)

Baptism Of Joy” (tips for conquering depression)

Sins Of The Father” (my second jaunt into the fiction genre. When a good, Christian family man is discovered to be a serial killer, his family’s life is turned upside down. His horrible secrets of why he kills come to light, revealing a very wounded victim of ritual abuse)

Check back often- these books should be available within only a few short weeks!  And, check out my author’s page on amazon at:

 

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My new page on amazon!

I have just created a page on Amazon’s Author Central.  Come check it out, & don’t forget to tell your friends.  🙂

 

amazon.com/author/cynthiabaileyrug

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April 29, 2013 · 1:41 PM

December 4, 2012

Good morning! Hope everyone is doing well today!

I know some of you lovely fans are also aspiring writers. Because of that, I wanted to let you know that there is a fantastic movie out there that is really inspiring. “Finding Forrester” with Sean Connery. In the movie, he is a prize winning author of one published book who went into hiding. A young man meets him, & they end up friends. The 

young man loves to write, & Forrester helps him mold his craft. The story line is fascinating, the actors are amazing, but the gem in this movie is the writing advice. 

I just watched this movie Sunday for about the thousandth time.. lol I thought I should share it with you. Even if you aren’t an aspiring writer, it is a wonderful movie. I happen to love Sean Connery- never seen him in a role yet that I didn’t think he gave an amazing performance, & this was no exception. So check it out if you have a chance- you won’t be disappointed, I’m sure! 

Have a wonderful day! 🙂

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October 27, 2012

Ok, Dear Readers, “Emerging From The Chrysalis” is now available for ebook download or in print!!!!! It was published in print last night & ebook came out today (technical difficulties). I am excited! Here is the synopsis of the book…

“Emerging From The Chrysalis” is a story of surviving abuse and how to conquer its pain. 

In this inspiring book, the author describes her own painful experiences with the various forms of psychological abuse (verbal, mental and emotional abuse), as well as how she moved from the role of victim to survivor.

If you are interested in this book, go to my website at:www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com to purchase it. 
Now, I am off to do a happy dance, celebrate hubby’s birthday (a day late since he worked all day yesterday) & watch some scary old movies with him tonight. (I love October- the really fun scary movies are on all month long!)  I will start on the next book soon, but for right now, I think I earned a little vacation! 

Have a wonderful, blessed day everyone!

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October 24, 2012

Good morning, Dear Readers!   I have some wonderful news to share.

My latest book, “Emerging From The Chrysalis” is almost complete!!  I finished the first edit yesterday, & designed the front & back covers.   I want to read it over one more time & see if any further changes need to be made, then off to the publishers with it. 

I am excited- this book has been a VERY difficult project, & I am praying it will be well worth my efforts & helps many, many people.  I am also very nervous about what my parents may think if they ever read the book.  Logically, I know the worst case scenarios are things I can handle (being insulted, called names, denial of abuse), but even so, I am nervous.  Old habits die hard, I guess.

(As I write in this blog, I am listening to T.D. Jakes preach.. he just said the best thing- “‎”When you acknowledge your critics, you give them your power.”  Wow.. that is so powerful.  Love it.  Just thought I’d share..)

I am also looking forward to taking  a little time off, then starting on a psychological thriller book next.  I love psychological thrillers, & this will be my first attempt at writing one.  Should be fun!

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October 19, 2012

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to let you know that my latest book is really coming along well.  I reached my goal as far as pages yesterday- in fact, surpassed it by three.  I should have it published very soon- I have to edit it, then design the front & back covers.  That shouldn’t take long.  Today, I am taking off to go to lunch with a dear friend, but I’ll be back to work shortly..

Have a great day, & a blessed weekend!

 

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October 12, 2012

It has been a very busy week around my home…

As if yesterday, the book is now at 162 pages!  I don’t expect it to be a terribly long book- I’m aiming for at least about 180 pages.  But, it should be a very good one nonetheless.  Quality of the pages over quanity, yanno? 

Writing this book has become quite an education.  I would like to share some of what I learned with you, Dear Readers, in case any of you also are writers, or are considering becoming a writer:

  • Writing is work- never underestimate that.  Just because you aren’t digging ditches for 80 hours per week doesn’t mean you aren’t working.  Take care of yourself, & don’t work too hard.  Learn your limits.  Take breaks as needed to regroup- it will enable you to be more productive when you do write.
  • Take you writing seriously.  If you don’t, no one else will.  It doesn’t matter if you have published 70 books or none- if you want to be a writer, it is a valid career choice. 
  • Set reasonable goals.  I read somewhere once that Stephen King writes 2,000 words per day, every single day of the year.  That is a very reasonable goal.. for him.  I’ve learned that I don’t want to write every single day- some days, I want to goof off & go shopping with a friend or knit or just watch scary old movies.  Some days, I have other things to do, like work on my car or clean my house or take care of a sick pet.  Rather than beat myself up over that, I use his 2,000 words as a basic goal- on the days that I do write, I make myself have a limit of 2,000 words minimum.  Some days, I write just that, & others, I write 7,000.  Depends on the mood.  If I’m only editing my work, there’s no goal for a word count. 
  • I also set reasonable goals for completing a book.  When I first started writing my current book last year, I thought I could finish it fast.  I had trouble with it, & became discouraged very fast.  I couldn’t write for several months, & discouragement was partly why.  When I started the book over again, & got a feel for how it was going this time, I set a goal to finish it by the end of this year.  Realistically, I think it will be done much sooner, but if it isn’t, I’m still at my reasonable goal.
  • Be patient & understanding with yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up when writer’s block happens.  It happens to everyone, even the greatest authors.
  • Remember, quality over quanity.  Better to write 2 great books in your career than 1,000 mediocre ones!  Or, better to write books of 150 pages that are amazing, than 900 pages of trash.
  • Be true to yourself- write what you are comfortable with writing.  Fiction or non-fiction, if you are comfortable with the topic of your book or article, it comes through, & makes people interested in your work.
  • Inspire yourself.  Whatever inspires you to want to write, focus on it as much as possible.
  • Lastly but most importantly, I pray before I write every time.  I ask God to help me create this book for His glory & to help many, many people.  I also invite Him to help me write.  Doing that helps me write easier & better.

I hope these tips help enable you to become the great writer you can be.  🙂

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