My publisher is offering 10% off my print books when you use code INFLUENCE10 at checkout until May 27, 2022.
Print versions of my books can be found at the link below..
My publisher is offering 10% off my print books when you use code INFLUENCE10 at checkout until May 27, 2022.
Print versions of my books can be found at the link below..
My publisher turns 20 this year, & as a way to celebrate, they’re offering 20% off print book purchases until February 11, 2022. All you have to do to take advantage is use code 20FOR20 at checkout.
My books can be found at this link:
My publisher is having a 15% off sale until January 28, 2022. Simply enter code IMAGINE15 at checkout.
My books can be found at the link below…
I have just completed another mini book called “A Biblical Perspectives Mini Book: Loving Someone with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
As the name implies, this book is about ways you can help someone with C-PTSD. It also includes information on the science behind C-PTSD, symptoms & the awful emotions that go along with it.
It currently is only available in ebook format just like my other mini books. For now anyway. That may change in the future.
This book is available at the link below…
The month long sale on my ebooks is still going, but will be ending at the end of this month. Don’t forget to check it out. Click the link below to see all of my ebooks..
Or, if you prefer print books, you can use code CREATOR10 at checkout until July 23, 2021. Click the link below to see my print books…
From July 1-31, 2021, my publisher is offering 25% off all of my ebooks. It’s a great time to buy any of them you have been thinking about getting for a low price!
You can find all of my ebooks at the link below:
If you prefer print, there is a sale going on now until July 2, 2021 for 15% off! Use code SHELFCARE15 at checkout. They can be found at the link below:
I just thought I would let everyone know I’m thinking of making a change in my writing. Instead of only sharing what I learn about NPD, narcissistic abuse, & C-PTSD, I have decided to expand that a bit into ways to add more joy into your life.
Since I turned 50 in April, I guess you could say I’m having a mid life crisis of sorts. (No, I’m not going to divorce my husband, date a guy who’s half my age & buy a Mazda Miata.. lol) I’ve come to realize how little I’ve enjoyed my life. NPD has taken up so much time & space in it! It’s time to make some changes.
You know how the Bible says that the enemy has come to steal, kill & destroy, & is looking for someone he may devour? Well, I firmly believe he does this, but not always in obvious ways. Sometimes those ways are subtle. Being abused by a narcissist is both obvious & subtle in its devastation to one’s life. The abuse itself is obvious of course, especially when it’s someone raging at you like an overt narcissist does or giving you intense guilt trips like a covert narcissist. But the aftermath is much more subtle. It is so easy to get caught up in obsessing over trying to understand what happened & ways to heal, that you can fail to enjoy your life. That has happened to me & I’m tired of it! I would guess that many of you reading this feel the same way.
At the time I’m writing this, I have about 8 months worth of blog posts written & scheduled to publish. You won’t see many posts on enjoying life for a bit because of that. I may rearrange & reschedule as I go to interject some but I’m not sure yet. That depends on what I feel God wants me to do. More of those posts definitely will be published in the future along with my usual educational type of posts though.
Please just bear with me through this. I’m not entirely sure yet how this is going to play out. I’ve felt God putting it on my heart to write more about enjoying life from a Christian perspective as I learn to, but as of the moment, not many details have been forthcoming.
Thank you for your understanding & patience with me, & always being there! I love all of you! xoxo
My publisher is having another sale on all of my print books. Use code SELL15 at checkout & get 15% off until April 23 , 2021
Books are available at the link below:
My publisher is offering another sale on my print books. This one is good for 10% off all print products until November 13, 2020. Use code READ10 at checkout.
Here is the link where you can find my print books:
I decided to do one other thing.. I have made available on my website (www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com) my notes that I used in my podcasts & YouTube videos. Since some folks have issues with sensory processing or just prefer to read rather than watch a video or listen to a podcast, I thought I would do this for them. The notes are all on this link. Feel free to download as many as you like for your personal reference. As I add new podcasts in the future, I’ll naturally add the notes to this page. If you lose the link, simply visit www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com & look at the list of links at the top of the page. You’ll see it there.
Also, I added a search bar to my website, so you can find information on there easier now. Rather than read through lots of pages, you can simply type in your search critera & it will bring up results. Enjoy!
Thank you to everyone who has been so encouraging about the changes I’ve decided to make. I truly value your input. 💖
After a conversation with a dear friend in early July, she inspired me to write a new book. It is designed for a slightly different audience than usual. Normally I write for those of us who know at least some about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This book, however, is written for those who know something is wrong with a person in their life who is extremely selfish & manipulative, but they just aren’t sure what it is yet.
“It’s Not You, It’s Them: When People Are More Than Selfish” helps these people to understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder, deal with the behaviors if they opt to stay in a relationship with the narcissist, & ways they can help themselves heal.
I’ve learned so much about NPD in recent months & have felt such a strong desire to help victims of narcissistic abuse & raise awareness, I believe this book had to be written. Admittedly, I’ve never written a book so quickly before, but I believe it must be for a reason. I pray God is going to use it mightily.
If you’d like to check out the new book, the timing is good- my publisher is offering a sale on all print books. 15% off with free mail shipping until August 14. Simply use code AUGSHIP16 at checkout
Links are below..
My publisher is having another great sale on print books. 20% off if you buy two or more. Simply use code 2FORYOU at checkout. Sale ends August 7, 2016.
Find my books at:
Over the years, some of my readers have told me that they believe I’m a warrior for those who have endured narcissistic abuse. That has always stuck in the back of my mind because I knew it was important.
Just recently, their words came to the forefront of my mind & wouldn’t leave. I knew it was important but didn’t know why. Every time I got onto Facebook the other day, I got a hint. I kept finding memes that said things about how victims of abuse need a voice when they can’t speak up, don’t be afraid to speak up against abuse, & other similar topics. I think it was 7 memes I found that spoke such messages to me. I realized what the purpose of all of this was.
I need to be more outspoken against narcissistic abuse, & to help educate people about its devastating effects. People don’t know much, if anything, about such topics unless they have been a victim, & that needs to change. I realize that I alone can’t change the world, but hopefully I can make a difference.
How I need to make a difference, I’m not entirely sure! So far, I think I need to focus on promoting & encouraging people to participate in The Butterfly Project with me, & share what I learn no only here in my blog, but also in my Facebook group & personal page.
I’d like to ask for prayer on this topic from you, Dear Readers. I need to know what to do & how to do it. I also need wisdom & courage to do God’s will.
While I feel peace about this, a part of me is also somewhat nervous.
I feel that God will want me to make some of the posts on my personal Facebook page public, which is something I never do. This also allows people I’m not friends with to see those posts, which makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want strangers peek into my life. This also could include people my parents know who are on Facebook. While I know the things I write about regarding my parents are true & never said in a hateful way, they would be furious if they knew what I write about. I really don’t want to deal with that.
Sharing on my personal Facebook also makes me nervous because when I’ve shared things about narcissism, C-PTSD & (rarely) my own experiences, some people I know have been less than supportive. I’ve been told to get over it, I’m using C-PTSD for attention, I need to figure out how to work things out with my parents, they won’t be around forever & other invalidating, cruel things. While I can handle their ignorance or spitefulness, it’s just not something I care to deal with. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m simply tired of people who think I’m stupid, unreasonable, etc. or who project their own issues onto me. I try to avoid that as much as possible, & putting things on my personal Facebook page, even just attempting to educate people, could potentially open the door for such people
So as I mentioned, I really could use some prayer to help me do whatever it is God would have me do. Thank you so much, Dear Readers! And, you’re in my prayers as well! xoxo
This time, my publisher is offering 15% off all print books & free mail shipping until June 12. Simply use code COOKBOOK15 at checkout.
My books can be found at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug
My publisher is offering a sale on all print books: $5 off any $20 or more purchase. Simply use code NEWMOON at checkout. (code is case sensitive, so use all caps!) Sale ends June 5 at midnight.
You can find my books at this link:
My publisher is having a sale again. 15% off all print books & free mail shipping through May 16, 2016. Use code MAYSHIP15 at checkout to take advantage of the sale.
Go to the link below to see my books:
My publisher is having another sale! Use code APRSHIP20 at checkout to receive 20% all print books & free mail shipping until May 1.
You can find my books at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug
I vowed some time ago to keep my blog real, to be honest about my experiences, both the good & bad ones. My hope is that you can learn from my mistakes.
A few days ago, I read a quote on Facebook from the book “Boundaries” by Drs. Cloud & Townsend. It says,
“Another damaging effect of abuse or molestation is the destruction of a sense of ownership over the victim’s soul. In fact, victims often feel like they are public property- that their resources, body & time should be available to others just for the asking.”
Although I’ve read “Boundaries” several times, I never related to that quote so well as I have recently. It perfectly sums up how I’ve always felt.
Interestingly, this quote came to my attention a couple of hours after receiving a message from one of my readers. When I saw I had a message, I cringed a bit. Not because the person was someone I didn’t like (she was lovely to talk with) or I didn’t want to help this person, but because I have gotten so tired lately of all things narcissism. I’ve also been more depressed than usual for about a month. Considering my feelings & then this quote, I immediately realized something about myself. I haven’t been practicing what I preach. I haven’t been taking frequent breaks. I slipped back into the old, dysfunctional habit of feeling as if I need to be there for anyone & everyone, at all times, always being the strong one & fixing everything.
*bangs head into walls*
I really hate backsliding! It’s especially insulting since I was doing better in this area. God showed me a few months ago that when I got so sick in 2015 from carbon monoxide poisoning, one of the reasons was basically to force me to take better care of myself. Since getting sick, sometimes now my body &/or mind gets extremely tired & I have no choice but to rest, which has proven to be a good thing. At least until this past month, when I slid back into ignoring my physical & mental health, pushing myself past my limits.
I decided the other day this has to stop. Right now, I have a sick kitty who needs my attention & I also need a break from all things narcissism.
I started by asking a very close friend to help me manage my group by being an admin in there. When I need a break, she can keep an eye on things. When I told my group, they were incredibly supportive. Another dear friend who is in my group sent me a private message, telling me it’s ok to take breaks, I don’t always have to be the strong one & she is there for me. I was very moved by the wonderful show of support & love! Truly, my group is amazing. 🙂 If you’re interested in joining, you can check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/
While I was recovering last year, I was able to write many blog posts. So many, I have them written 3 months in advance. Plus wordpress publishes them to Facebook, Google Plus, Linkedin, etc. automatically. I don’t write blog posts every other day, as it may look since that’s when they are published. Please keep that in mind if you try to contact me via this blog or my social network sites. If I don’t respond quickly, please forgive me, but I needed a break. Otherwise, I’ll respond quickly.
Interestingly since I decided to take breaks, I already feel less pressure & depressed. Knowing I can take breaks as needed has taken a large weight off my shoulders!
My reason for this post, Dear Reader, is two fold. For one thing, I want you to know what is happening, so if I don’t respond to you in a timely manner, you won’t feel that I don’t care. I truly do! I also care about myself, though, & know being “on call” is too much pressure for me to handle.
For another thing, I want you to learn from my mistake. Never, ever forget that Narcissistic Personality Disorder & recovering from narcissistic abuse are extremely serious, complex & painful topics. Frequent breaks from thinking & talking about narcissism are absolutely vital to one’s mental & physical health! I think it is very normal to obsess at first. Once you have an answer to why someone treated you as they did, it’s only natural to want to know more about why they behaved that way. It also feels so good to learn that you aren’t the problem as you were told you were. Who wouldn’t want to understand why they were blamed for being abused?! And, since narcissism is so complex, it’s pretty much a bottomless pit of things you can learn about it. You should learn about narcissism. It will empower you to do so. That being said though, due to its complex nature & the pain of narcissistic abuse, you will need to take frequent breaks away from the topics. During those times, refuse to think about or discuss narcissism. Relax. Do things you enjoy. The balance will help you to stay strong & avoid depression. You’ll know when you need a break, too- your mood will sink & you’ll be thinking about narcissism constantly. Listen to these cues! I didn’t, & look what has happened to me. Please learn from my mistakes & don’t make the same ones I have!
Take good care of yourself, Dear Reader! I’m praying for you as I hope you pray for me! xoxo
My publisher is having another sale. Been plenty of them lately!
This sale is for 20% off of all print books until April 3, 2016. Use code SHOWER20 at checkout (all caps- codes are case sensitive).
You can see my author’s spotlight at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug
Save $5 on every $25 or more print book order from my publisher. Use code SAVE5 at checkout. Sale ends March 25.
Visit my online store at: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug
My print book & sometimes ebook publisher is offering a really good sale but it’s today only. All print books are 25% off, ebooks 5% off! Use code AMAZING16 at checkout!
You can see my books for sale & free ebooks at this link: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/cynthiabaileyrug
Since I began writing about narcissism, surviving narcissistic abuse & the awful effects on its victims, some people have told me I need to focus on writing about lighter, more pleasant topics. It’s too negative. People need to think about positive things, not just the negative. I only write about what I do because I’m wallowing in the past. I need to forget it & move on.
The truth is, I do agree with the fact that people need to focus on positive things, not just the negative. That is all I agree with in the above statements however.
In all honesty, writing about narcissism isn’t easy. I’m often learning something new, & it can be depressing just how pervasive narcissism & narcissistic abuse are. I get tired of it all. It’s a very emotionally draining topic & can be triggering for my C-PTSD. I have to take time to deliberately refuse to focus on it to help me not to get mired down in the depressing negativity that is narcissism.
That being said, I don’t plan to quit anytime soon.
For one thing, I believe God wants me to write about this topic. He has given me the ability to write & also to understand quite a lot about narcissism. Not that I know everything on the topic of course- I don’t think anyone does- but I do know a lot. My personal experiences have taught me a great deal as well as things I have read.
For another thing, when someone thanks me for teaching them something they’ve been searching for an answer for, it is incredibly rewarding.
It’s also rewarding to let people know they aren’t alone. Since narcissistic abuse makes its victims feel so alone, learning they aren’t is a really big deal!
There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you helped to improve someone’s life. That alone makes it all worth while!
And, in all honesty, writing helps me as well. I’m finally validated! Seeing things in writing somehow helps me to realize that what happened to me was real, & it was terrible. It makes it more real than just remembering things, probably since I dissociated so much as a child. It also helps validate me when people believe me & offer support & understanding. That almost never happened until I started writing. So please forgive my selfish motive but I need this validation!
If you are considering writing about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, just know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!
Remember that if you opt to write about it, narcissism is a terribly negative topic. You will need to counter the negativity with positive. Indulge in things you enjoy often, such as a favorite hobby.
Do nice things for yourself to reward yourself after writing. Even a short blog post like this one can be surprisingly draining sometimes- reward yourself for putting forth the effort.
Make time where you flatly refuse to think about NPD or anything related to it. Deliberately focus on something else. Anything else.
If you opt to write a blog, write posts in advance & schedule them to publish without your assistance. That way, if you feel inspired, you can write several posts at once, or if you feel uninspired, you can take a break. Your blog will post anyway. I have a lot of posts ready to go- over 3 months into the future.
Don’t feel bad for taking frequent breaks. It’s good for your mental health!
If you choose to write a book, be forewarned- that is much more challenging than writing in a blog. Blog posts are usually short which makes them easier to handle. Writing a full book, however is different. Chances are, you’ll go on a bender & end up writing a lot in one sitting, probably often, which will exhaust you. You may plan to write for only half an hour but end up spending your afternoon in front of the computer. Trust me on this one- been there, done that! Writing a book about narcissism, especially if it is about your personal experiences, is an emotional roller coaster.
So if you are considering writing about narcissism, I strongly urge you to pray about it. Ask God if this is the route He wants you to take, how He wants you to write (blog, books, etc) & if it is, to enable you to do it. Ask for strength, courage & wisdom, because you will need all three & more.
Good morning, Dear Readers!
A few days ago, I finished a book for parents of children affected by narcissistic abuse. I believe it will help those of you in that painful position, including those of you co-parenting with a narcissist.
The book is available in both ebook & print format, as usual. The ebook version can be found here:
The print version can be found here:
Within a few weeks, both also can be found on amazon, Barnes & Nobel & other websites as well as my own site, www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com
The book is shorter than my other books, but please don’t be discouraged by its size. I would rather print a small book full of good information than a much larger one filled with fluff. And, I’m sure readers prefer that as well.
Since I’ve learned so much about narcissistic abuse & started writing about it, I’ve had many people contact me looking for answers. Some I simply can’t help, because helping others is hard on me emotionally. It’s a tremendous responsibility helping people, & I take it very seriously. When people ask me for help, I try to offer it to the best of my ability. Even if I’m writing books or blog posts like this, I want to provide good, helpful, truthful information.
As a result, people look to me as if I have all the answers sometimes. The fact is though, I don’t. I also make mistakes. Lots of them. And often.
When I first started writing about narcissistic abuse, I was loathe to admit mistakes I’ve made. Frankly, it can be embarrassing sometimes. I’ve done some amazingly dumb things! As time has passed though, I realized that people have more respect for someone who is real, willing to admit their shortcomings & mistakes, than they do for someone who acts as though they never slip up.
So many people in positions like mine seem to be afraid they’ll lose popularity if they admit their flaws. So instead of being open about themselves, they present a false image of perfection. This can be extremely discouraging to people following their teaching. It was for me. I felt like a failure, like I didn’t have enough faith or not praying the right way. I felt “less than.”
There are three preachers on TV that I absolutely love & have loved since I first became a Christian- Jesse Duplantis, TD Jakes & Joyce Meyer. Aside from the fact their preaching makes so much sense to me, they also admit their mistakes & shortcomings. They’re real! Listening to them or reading their books never makes me feel bad about where I am in life. Quite the opposite. They make me realize I’m OK while encouraging me to continue learning & growing.
Another bonus to being open is you lose the shame over your flaws. Bringing them into the open loosens that shame much like sunlight destroys vampires in the old legends. Hiding them gives them power over you. Power to keep you feeling embarrassed & even ashamed of yourself.
The reason I’m telling you this, Dear Reader, is to encourage you.
No doubt that as you recover from narcissistic abuse you will begin to share some of your experiences. Maybe only with those very close to or maybe you will feel led to write about it like I have. In any case, I want to encourage you to be open about it. People will respect you for your transparency. So few people in the world are genuine these days, & the few that are, are greatly appreciated. And, if you end up in a position of helping others, they will be encouraged when they realize you, someone who is teaching them, have made mistakes & are able to learn from them. They also will feel comfortable enough to approach you. You may be the only person they tell about their painful experiences, & opening up can help them tremendously.
It’s funny… sometimes your mistakes really can be a part of your ministry to others!
Recently, I had an interesting dream. It showed me that I need to change direction slightly with my writing. I’ve been sensing I need to do this for a while, but I think now is the time to do it.
While definitely narcissism & what I learn about it as I go will be a priority, I believe it’s time to include other, lighter topics as well. What those topics are, I’m not sure yet. God will lead me, as always. I’m open to suggestions though- you can comment on this post or email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com. I’ll pray about the suggestions I receive before writing about them, so your suggestion may appear a while in the future or may be tweaked a bit when I write about it. Please don’t take that personally- I lean on God a lot with what I write, much more than people.
Anyway, I think this is a good idea to lighten up some. The simple fact is writing & focusing about narcissism so much can be pretty overwhelming for me, & I don’t need the C-PTSD triggered any more than it already is. I think reading about it can have the same overwhelming effect on many people. Learning about narcissism & the damage it causes is essential to your healing from narcissistic abuse, of course. It helps you to heal & gives you the answers you’ve been wanting. However, it is also an extremely negative topic & can take a toll on your emotions. Physically it can drain you, too.
I find it’s best to have balance- times where you learn about narcissism & related topics, time where you focus on your healing, but also times where you refuse to think about such things, instead focusing your energies into more positive, lighter endeavors. Not doing so, but instead focusing constantly on it brings you down badly. I’ve noticed it on various Facebook pages or groups for adult daughters of narcissistic mothers. So many people obsess, & you can tell just by how they write that they aren’t happy. They spend all their time thinking about the horrors they have been through or abusive people- how could they be happy??
Instead of doing that, I would like to encourage you today to take breaks. You’ll know when you need one- you’ll begin to feel your emotions starting to sink. You’ll catch yourself thinking of your own awful experiences or you’ll be angry at your narcissistic mother often. You’ll think mostly about narcissism. These are signs it’s time to take a break. Take an afternoon or even a few days where you deliberately refuse to focus on anything related to NPD. Indulge in your favorite hobbies, read a new book, hang out with close friends.. do things that you enjoy & make you feel good. Then, you can get back to a more balanced approach. You’ll feel much better about it after your break.
I finished my latest book, “Life After Narcissistic Abuse: There Is Healing and Hope”!!! YAY ME!!
This book is all about describing the variety of symptoms survivors of narcissistic abuse experience, & offering some suggestions on how to cope with & heal from them. I have learned a lot in the last couple of years about this topic, especially in the last few months, & put it all in this book. God has showed me so much, & I’m praying what I have learned will help others as well.
If you’d like to check it out, you can see it & all of my books at www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com
Lately, I’ve been thinking. (Scary huh?? lol)
I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about. In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism. Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too. Be a bit more diverse
I’ve asked God to guide my writing. I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from. I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well. I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.
I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago. That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.
I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website. I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated. People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms. Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy. It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences. (Bonus for me!) If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link: http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php
Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things. I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t. I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use. Why shouldn’t we benefit from them? I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes. I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.
If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions. I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest. Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com I look forward to hearing from you! 🙂