Why There Need To Be Limits On Helping Other People

As Christians, we are called to help others in need.  Galatians 6:2 in the Good News Translation reminds to “Help carry one another’s burdens, & in this way, you will obey the law of Christ.”  This is a beautiful sentiment & one that is echoed throughout the Bible.  Helping others is essential to living a fulfilling & compassionate life.  But there is a balance that needs to be in place.  We must also remember that there are limits to how much we can help others, & we must be mindful of those limits to ensure that we are not enabling unhealthy behavior. 

Galatians 6:2 tells us to help carry one another’s burdens, as I just mentioned, but what exactly does that mean?  A burden is something heavy & difficult to carry, like a steamer trunk.  It’s something that someone cannot manage on their own, & they need help to carry it.  Moving on to verse 5, we are told, “For each of you have to carry your own load.”  A load is something more manageable than a burden, like a backpack.  It’s something that we can handle on our own without assistance. 

When we help someone with their burdens, we are providing necessary support that they cannot manage on their own.  This is a beautiful act of kindness & compassion.  However, when we constantly step in & help people with their loads, we are doing them a great disservice.  We are teaching them that they do not need to take responsibility for their lives & that they can rely on others to do the hard work for them.  This can lead to a cycle of dependency that is unhealthy for both parties involved.

It’s absolutely essential to understand the difference between burdens & loads, & to be mindful of how much we help others with each.  We must be willing to step in & help when someone genuinely needs it, but we must also encourage them to take responsibility for their own lives.  To carry their own loads, in other words.

Enabling is when we do things for others that they can & should do for themselves.  Enabling can take many forms, such as constantly lending money to a friend who never pays it back or doing your child’s homework for them.  Enabling behaviors can be harmful to both parties involved.  The person doing the enabling can become resentful & exhausted, while the person being enabled can become dependent & unable to take responsibility for their own lives.

Enabling often starts with good intentions.  We want to help someone we care about, & think that by doing things for them, we are showing love & support.  Over time, enabling can lead to a dysfunctional cycle of dependence that is difficult to break.  The person being enabled may start to rely on the enabler for more & more, & they may not learn the necessary skills to take care of themselves.

Therefore, it’s vital to be mindful of enabling behaviors & to set healthy boundaries.  We must be willing to say no when someone asks us to do something that they can & should do for themselves, & encourage them to take responsibility for their own lives.

Maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial when it comes to helping others.  We must be willing to set limits on how much we can help & what kind of help we are willing to provide.  We must also be willing to communicate those boundaries clearly with our loved ones.  This can be difficult, as it may feel like we are letting them down or not being supportive enough, but in reality, healthy boundaries are key to maintaining healthy relationships.

By setting healthy boundaries, we are teaching our loved ones that we care about them enough to be honest with them.  We are also teaching them to take responsibility for their own lives & to respect our limits.  This can lead to stronger, more meaningful relationships built on mutual respect & trust.

Helping others is a wonderful thing to do.  As Christians, we are called to help those in need & to carry each other’s burdens.  The Bible shows that there also need to be limits on how much we help, & we must be mindful of those limits.  By understanding the difference between burdens & loads, recognizing the dangers of enabling, & maintaining healthy boundaries, we can help others in a way that promotes independence, responsibility, & mutual respect.

People Pleasing vs Kind Behaviors: The Fine Line Between Selflessness & Self Destruction

As Christians, we are taught to love & serve others.  We strive to do as Jesus would do.  However, sometimes our desire to please others can backfire, leading us down a path of self-destruction.  Today, we will explore the difference between people pleasing & genuinely kind behaviors, & the importance of standing up for ourselves & our values.

At first glance, people pleasing & kind behaviors may seem interchangeable.  After all, both involve putting others’ needs before our own.  However, the key difference often lies in the motivation behind our actions.  People pleasing often stems from a desire to be liked or accepted.  We may go out of our way to do things for others, even if it means sacrificing our own time, energy, or resources.  We may say yes to every request, even if it means over committing ourselves & neglecting our own needs.  In contrast, kind behaviors come from a place of genuine love & compassion.  We may still do things for others, but we do so out of a desire to help & support them, rather than to gain their approval.

People pleasing can be detrimental to our mental & emotional well,being.  It leads to feelings of resentment, burnout, & low self esteem.  We start to feel like a doormat, constantly saying yes to others & neglecting our own needs.  In contrast, practicing kind behaviors actually boosts our self esteem & overall happiness.  When we help others out of love & compassion, we feel good about ourselves & our ability to make a positive impact on the world.

It’s important to note that there can be a fine line between selflessness & self destruction.  While it’s admirable to put others’ needs before our own, we must also prioritize our own well being.  This means setting boundaries, saying no when necessary, & taking care of ourselves first.  In the words of Jesus, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).  We cannot fully love & serve others if we are neglecting our own needs.

Christians also are called to forgive others, even those who have hurt & abused us.  However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting or ignoring the harm that was done.  When we practice “forgive & forget” without boundaries, we are essentially allowing others to continue to hurt us without consequence.  This is harmful to our mental & emotional health, & is not what God wants for His children! 

Forgiveness is not a one time event, but a process that takes time & effort.  It involves acknowledging the harm that was done, expressing our emotions, & setting boundaries to prevent it from happening again.  It also can mean releasing the person from expectations of making it up to you, especially if that isn’t possible or if the person has no remorse. This may mean limiting contact or ending the relationship with the person who hurt us, seeking counseling, or confronting the person in a healthy & respectful way.  By setting healthy boundaries, we are protecting ourselves from further harm & showing others that we value & respect ourselves.

One of the biggest challenges for people pleasers is the ability to say no.  We feel guilty or selfish for turning down a request, even if it means sacrificing our own needs.  However, saying no is an important part of self care & self respect.  It allows us to prioritize our own needs & set boundaries with others.

Similarly, standing up for ourselves & our values is crucial for our mental & emotional well being.  When we allow others to hurt us or compromise our values, we are essentially giving away our power.  This makes us feel helpless or powerless, leading to feelings of anxiety, depression, &/or low self esteem.  By standing up for ourselves & our values, we are taking back our power & showing others that we value & respect ourselves. We can assert ourselves in a healthy & respectful way, while still valuing & respecting the other person.  In fact, setting boundaries & standing up for ourselves often improves our relationships with others, as it shows them that we have self respect & expect to be treated with dignity.  When healthy boundaries cause problems in a relationship, it’s a sign of a toxic relationship.

As Christians, we are called to love & serve others.  However, we must also prioritize our own well being & set boundaries to protect ourselves from harm.  By doing so, we are taking back our power & showing others that we value & respect ourselves.