If You Allow Your Family To Treat Your Spouse Badly, Stop It!

Imagine marrying the love of your life, the person you want to spend the rest of your days with.  But there’s one problem – your family doesn’t treat your spouse well.  They make snide remarks, ignore their presence, & even criticize their every move. 

Dysfunctional families like to say blood is thicker than water, but when it comes to your marriage, your loyalty should lie with your spouse above them.  Allowing your family to mistreat your partner not only betrays your spouse but also creates a huge divide between you because of betraying your partner in this way

Before we dive into the solutions, it’s essential to acknowledge that mistreatment from family members towards your spouse is a serious issue.  Your spouse deserves to feel loved, respected, & valued by the people who are an integral part of your life.  It’s easy to become blind to these behaviors, especially if they have been happening for a long time or if you’ve grown up in an environment where mistreatment was normalized.

However, it’s important to remember that your spouse is not accustomed to this treatment.  They entered your family expecting to be treated with basic common decency, & hopefully love.  By allowing your family to mistreat your spouse, you are abandoning them for the sake of preserving your relationship with your family.  This betrayal erodes trust & creates a wedge between you & your spouse that undermines the foundation of your marriage.

You need to know that when your spouse expresses their hurt over your lack of concern, it is not an overreaction.  It is a normal response to the pain they feel due to your lack of interest.  Their feelings should be taken seriously, & the situation needs to be addressed.

When your family members mistreat your spouse, it’s crucial to recognize that the problem lies with them, not your partner.  Their behaviors are not only immature but also toxic & even narcissistic.  These behaviors are a reflection of their own issues & insecurities, not a reflection of your spouse’s worth.

Some common toxic behaviors include constant criticism, belittling remarks, exclusion from family events or conversations, or outright hostility.  These actions have a profound & negative impact on your spouse.  As their partner, it is your responsibility to protect them from such harm.

If your family members react negatively when you assert the need for respect towards your spouse, it’s a clear sign that something is wrong with them.  Healthy, loving families prioritize the well being of their members & respect the boundaries set by each individual.  Don’t let them sway you from doing what is right for your marriage.

Remember, you chose your spouse – you fell in love with them, committed to building a life together, & vowed to love, support & protect them.  Your family, on the other hand, is a part of your life that you were born into.  Familial relationships never should come at the expense of your spouse’s well being.

Also remember Genesis 2:24.  In the Amplified Bible, it says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”  It can be difficult to remember with toxic families, but when you get married, you are to create a new family with your spouse.  This means they need to be your first priority after God, not your family.  This means standing up for them, setting clear boundaries with your family, & actively creating a safe & nurturing environment for your marriage.  This may involve having tough conversations with your family members, or even limiting or ending contact with toxic family members who refuse to change their behavior.

Allowing your family to mistreat your spouse is a serious issue that will have lasting consequences on your marriage if it is ignored.  Remember, you chose your spouse, & they deserve to be treated with love, respect, & dignity.  Don’t let your family’s toxic behavior ruin the bond you share with your partner.  Stand up for your spouse, nurture your marriage, & create a happy life together.

Not Always “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” For Everyone

December is often referred to as the most wonderful time of the year, a month filled with joy, love, & festivities.  However, for some, it can be a challenging time.  In December 2014, I posted this comment on Facebook:

“December is a kinda rough month for me. We’ve lost five kitties over the years during the month of December, plus my beautiful Jasmine had her first stroke on Christmas day in 2009.  Yet another reason I don’t like that day.  It’s hard not to get overwhelmed with the sadness sometimes, but thinking about them today, in spite of how painful it is missing those wonderful, beautiful babies, I am so incredibly grateful they were a part of my life.  Bubba, Bob, Vincent, Delta & Doofus were 5 of the sweetest, funniest, most stubborn quirky & awesome kitties I could’ve ever asked for.  I truly have been blessed with some amazing furbabies, past & present.”

Little did I know that one awful cousin would attack my “negativity”, even though I still don’t find that post terribly negative.  Immediately after I posted this, she posted about too much negativity on Facebook & people need to lighten up because it’s Christmas.  I knew this was directed at me because she was already mad at me for not attending her Christmas party.  When my post showed up in my Facebook memories recently, it made me realize the importance of acknowledging that not everyone feels the same overwhelming joy during this season, that it’s perfectly alright to not be bubbling over with holiday cheer, & that we should not let anyone make us feel otherwise.

Christmas is often portrayed as a time of happiness & celebration, where everyone is expected to be filled with joy.  However, life doesn’t always align with these expectations.  December can be a challenging month for more people than you realize.  Bad experiences or losses can magnify during this time, making it difficult to embrace the festive spirit.  Some may be missing loved ones who are no longer with them, while others may be stuck dealing with dysfunctional family or in-laws instead of spending time with those they love most.  Feeling less than ecstatic because of such things during the holidays doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.  We are all unique individuals with different circumstances & emotions, & it’s important to give ourselves permission to feel whatever we truly feel.

The pressure to be cheerful during the holiday season can be overwhelming & can lead to feelings of guilt or inadequacy.  It’s important to remember that it’s ok not to be ok, & that our emotions are valid.  We should not let expectations or dysfunctional people who try to dictate our feelings make us feel anything other than what we truly feel.

It’s important to remember that the holiday season can bring up a wide range of emotions & some aren’t positive ones.  By sharing our experiences, we give others permission to feel their emotions authentically & remind them that they are not alone in their struggles.

During a time that can be emotionally challenging, it’s crucial to prioritize self care & compassion.  This means allowing ourselves to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment or guilt.  It means taking the time to engage in activities that bring comfort & joy, even if they deviate from traditional holiday customs.  This can involve setting boundaries with family members, celebrating on a day other than the one the holiday falls on or refusing to celebrate at all. 

For those who do try to shame those who aren’t filled with the joy of the season, try instead to extend compassion to others who may not be feeling the overwhelming joy you feel.  Instead of judging or pressuring them to conform, creating a space of understanding & acceptance will go much further, & foster healthy relationships based on love & respect.

It’s important to remember that not everyone experiences overwhelming joy during the holidays.  It’s ok to feel differently, to acknowledge & validate all emotions, & to prioritize self care & compassion.  Don’t allow societal pressures or other people close to you to dictate how you should feel during the holiday season.  Remember, you are ok, & your emotions are valid.

Tips For Managing Narcissistic Family Demands During The Holidays

The holiday season is portrayed as a joyful time filled with love, warmth, & togetherness.  However, for those with a narcissistic family or in-laws, this time of year is incredibly challenging.  Dealing with their demanding & toxic behavior leaves you feeling miserable & overwhelmed.  But there are ways to navigate these toxic situations while maintaining your sanity when you can’t avoid them.

One of the most important steps in managing narcissistic demands during the holidays is establishing & maintaining healthy boundaries.  By doing so, you protect yourself from emotional manipulation & maintain control over your own well being. 

Deciding in advance when you will leave & sticking to it, it enables you to take back control & prevents you from getting swept up in their toxic dynamics by ensuring that you are not staying in an unhealthy environment for too long. 

Narcissists thrive on drama & conflict.  They try to instigate arguments or bring up sensitive topics to get a reaction.  To protect yourself, determine ahead of time which subjects you will not engage in & make it clear that you will not be discussing them.  Change the subject, leave the conversation or whatever you must to avoid discussing those topics.  Remain calm & composed, & you take away their power.  Refusing to show anger or hurt protects your emotional well being & sends a clear message that their attempts to manipulate you will not be successful.

It’s also essential to remember that you have the right to do as you please during the holidays, just like any other adult.  Remind yourself that you have the power to make decisions about how you spend your holidays.  Narcissists try to dictate the schedule or demand your presence at certain events, however, you have the right to prioritize your own well being & happiness.  Remember that their attempts to control the holiday season are just a manifestation of their toxicity, & you do not have to comply.

Narcissists are masters of guilt trips.  They may try to make you feel bad for taking care of yourself or not fulfilling their expectations.  Recognize these guilt trips for what they are: manipulative tactics aimed at controlling your actions & emotions.  Stand firm!    Prioritize your well being & reject their guilt trips. 

Narcissists set up impossible expectations & demand that others meet them, including during the holidays.  Remember that you are not obligated to jump through their hoops.  Instead, focus on creating a holiday season that aligns with your values & brings you joy, no matter what that means to the narcissist.  That is your right!

Narcissists will try to make you feel bad or wrong for not conforming to their expectations.  I was subjected to this repeatedly thanks to my narcissistic in-laws.  One important thing I learned is to remind you are not bad or wrong for choosing a different path from theirs.  Embrace your own values & beliefs, & don’t worry about getting their approval or validation.

In conclusion, by implementing the strategies I mentioned, you can create a holiday season that protects your emotional well being.  Remember, you have the power & the right to take control of your own happiness.

People Who Try To Break Up Marriages Are Treading Dangerous Waters

Marriage is a covenant between a husband & wife, but more importantly, it’s a covenant with God.  Throughout the Bible, we can find numerous passages that emphasize the sanctity of marriage & warn against any attempts to break it apart.  One such passage is Genesis 2:24, which in the Amplified Bible states, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” 

In Hebrews 13:4, it is further emphasized that marriage is to be held in honor by all.  The verse says, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”  This Scripture reminds us that God takes marriage seriously & will judge those who disrespect this sacred institution.

Matthew 19:6 is another powerful reminder of God’s design for marriage.  Jesus says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  These words from Jesus Himself leave no room for ambiguity.  When a couple enters into marriage, they become one flesh, & it is not for anyone to tear that union apart.

Additionally, in 1 Peter 4:15, it is written, “Make sure that none of you suffers as a murderer, or a thief, or any sort of criminal [in response to persecution], or as a troublesome meddler interfering in the affairs of others;”  This Verse warns against meddling in the affairs of others, which includes marriages.  It is a clear reminder that we should not interfere in something that does not concern us.  By crossing this line, we’re going against God’s command.

Everyone must be aware of the dangers that come with attempting to break up marriages.  People who do this are going against God’s will, & causing immense pain to the couple involved.  It is crucial to stay away from anyone who tries to break up our marriage.

It is also essential to discern the difference between offering support & meddling in someone’s marriage.  We must respect the boundaries & privacy of others.  It is crucial for couples to protect their marriage by establishing clear boundaries & remaining steadfast in their commitment to one another.

We must be vigilant in guarding our marriage against any external influences that could potentially harm it.  This includes staying away from individuals who may try to undermine or interfere in our relationship.  When faced with someone attempting to break up your marriage, it is vital to stay grounded in your faith & trust in God’s guidance.

Marriage is a sacred covenant that deserves our utmost respect & protection.  God takes marriage seriously, & we must honor & preserve this institution.  Those who try to break up marriages not only show a great amount of disrespect to the couple but are also going against God’s will.  It is crucial to stay away from anyone who attempts to interfere in marriage & to support & encourage couples in their journey together. 

A Common Dynamic In Narcissistic Families: Fear Of Facing The Truth

In narcissistic families, the blame is never placed on the abusive narcissistic parents, but on innocent victims.  This often leads to the selection of a scapegoat, someone who becomes the target of all the family’s frustrations & dysfunctions.  Surprisingly, it is not only the narcissists themselves who choose the scapegoat, but sometimes victims do it as well.  They may prefer to blame a sibling because their parent was not as abusive to them, or they point fingers at someone who married into the family, but they don’t blame the abusive parent.  This blame shifting only perpetuates the cycle of abuse.

As difficult as it may be, it is crucial to face the truth about the toxic nature of narcissists.  In doing so, we can free ourselves from their manipulation & begin the journey towards healing.  As John 8:32 in the New Living Translation says, “And you will know the truth, & the truth will set you free.”

Within narcissistic families, the scapegoat plays a pivotal role in maintaining the dysfunctional dynamic.  They are the ones who bear the brunt of the emotional & psychological abuse, constantly being blamed for the family’s problems.  This role is not assigned randomly or carelessly.  It is carefully chosen by the narcissist & supported by other family members.

By designating a scapegoat, a diversion is created that deflects attention from the narcissist’s abusive behavior.  The family then believes that all their troubles stem from this one individual, thus absolving the narcissist of any responsibility.  Unfortunately, the scapegoat is left to shoulder the burden of both their own pain & the family’s dysfunction.

In spite of the abuse that comes at them from the entire family, scapegoats are often compassionate, sensitive individuals who threaten the narcissist’s control & expose their true nature.  This threatens the narcissist’s ego, leading them to vilify the scapegoat.

I firmly believe this behavior arises from a place of fear & self preservation.  Victims believe that by shifting the blame onto someone else, they don’t have to face the fact that their parents are abusive monsters, & they believe that they can escape the wrath of the narcissist.

For example, one sibling may have been abused less than another.  The one abused more may blame the one abused less for manipulating their parents into treating them better or even “spoiling” them rather than face the fact their parents shouldn’t have abused either of them.

Blaming someone who married into the family is another common tactic used by victims.  They view the newcomer as an outsider, an easy target to blame for the family dysfunction.  By doing so, they are protecting their narcissistic parents by diverting all negative attention onto this person & off their parents’ behavior.  However, this dysfunctional behavior only prolongs their suffering & enables the narcissist to maintain their control.

While it may seem daunting, facing the truth about the toxic nature of narcissists is crucial.  Acknowledging the reality of the abuse & understanding the dynamics at play empowers victims to heal, learn & grow.

When we confront the truth, we reclaim our power, taking it back from narcissists, & begin the process of healing.  We no longer waste our energy trying to excuse the narcissist’s behavior or protect ourselves from their wrath.  Instead, we focus on our own well being & healing.

Remember, the truth will set you free.  By embracing the truth, we can break free from the chains of the narcissistic family dynamic & embark on a journey of self discovery & personal growth.  It may be a challenging path, but the rewards of reclaiming our lives & finding true happiness are immeasurable.

Being Too Close To Your Family Is Unhealthy

Genesis 2:23-24 in the Amplified Bible says, “Then Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, & flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ ²⁴ For this reason, a man shall leave his father & his mother, & shall be joined to his wife; & they shall become one flesh.” These verses show how important it is to grow past the close ties with our family of origin in order to grow up.  Leaving the family’s nest is a vital step in becoming the person God has called us to be.  Today, we will discuss why staying too involved with family can be unhealthy & how to find freedom in God’s will.

It is perfectly normal to love & care for our families.  However, when we are too involved or dependent on them, especially as adults, it can hinder personal & spiritual growth.  Staying too involved with family can lead to unhealthy emotional attachments, unhealthy & unrealistic expectations, stress & strain on all of our relationships.

Additionally, staying too involved with family can prevent us from living our own lives & fulfilling our God-given purpose.  When we prioritize our family’s desires & opinions over what God is calling us to do, we may end up living an unfulfilling life that is not in alignment with our calling.

Finally, being overly involved with our family also hiders our ability to form deep & lasting relationships with other people.  When we are overly focused on our family’s needs, we don’t give ourselves the time or space to develop meaningful relationships systems outside of our family.

When we become more independent from our family, we are able to cultivate a deeper relationship with God, letting Him guide our steps & mold us into the person He created us to be.  We also are able to grow & develop as individuals.  We can explore new interests, engage in personal hobbies, & pursue our passions without feeling tied down by familial expectations.  And, when we establish healthy boundaries with our family, our relationships can improve as family members aren’t so deeply involved in our lives.

We must communicate & enforce our boundaries with family members.  This isn’t always easy, especially if the family members are narcissists, but it’s necessary.  Establishing healthy boundaries is vital.  If your family members are narcissistic, don’t show them any emotion because if you do, they will use that to manipulate you.  Remain calm & firm.  Remind yourself that you have every right to healthy boundaries, & they aren’t harming your relatives, no matter what they might say.  Healthy boundaries are always a very good thing!

Seek support & encouragement from others outside of our family unit.  Connecting with like-minded people can help provide affirmation, guidance, & encouragement to continue pursuing God’s will.  They also can pray for & with you, & they will help to keep you grounded.  All of which will help you to avoid falling back into old, dysfunctional habits. 

Remember, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be an independent adult.  It doesn’t mean you want nothing to do with your family or even hate them.  It simply means you’re a normal person with a normal desire that every single person has.