My Ebooks Are On Sale For The Entire Month Of July

My ebook publisher is having a sale on my books for the entire month of July.  25% off!  Check it out at the link below

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CynthiaBaileyRug

Just So Everyone Knows..

I’ve decided to take a hiatus from writing books for a while.  Dealing with my mother’s estate is a lot of work, & with my mental & physical limitations, also excessively stressful.  Writing is a lot of work, so I don’t feel I can write & deal with that at the same time.  Or, if I could, I doubt I’d do either all that well.  So, writing books is going on the back burner for a bit.

I’m still going to keep up with this blog & my YouTube channel though.

Since I have some really wonderful readers, I know you’ll understand & I thank you so much for that understanding.  xoxo

Thinking Of Starting A Blog?

Many people I talk to mention that they want to start a blog about their experiences & what they have learned about narcissism.  Today, I thought I’d write a post for those of you in that position.

Before you get started, you need to think long & hard about this.  Writing a blog isn’t hard, but there are things that need to be considered.

As always, I really recommend prayer as the place to start.  Ask God to show you if you should or shouldn’t do this.  If you believe He wants you to, ask Him guide you on this, to help you to write about whatever He wants you to write about, to reach those He wants you to reach, he courage to do this & anything else you can think of.

Where do things stand with your narcissistic parents?  How would you deal with it if they found out about your blog?  That could be a very ugly situation since narcissists want their abuse to stay hidden.  Are you prepared for whatever might happen if they found out what you write about?

Do you feel strong enough to send your words out into the world?  Although writing a blog is pretty much like writing in your private diary, unlike your diary, anyone can read it.  Some people may think you’re making things up & invalidate you because of that.  There are also “grammar nazis” out there who nitpick posts over silly little things like saying “it’s” over “its”.  They can be really irritating since they miss the point of the post just to correct a simple typo.  While this isn’t necessarily a big deal, early on in healing, it can really hurt simply because you’re pretty emotionally raw & sensitive.

How often do you think you’ll be able to write posts?  I have settled on every other day.  It’s often enough to keep my writing in people’s minds, yet not overloading them (or pressuring me!) with my work.  Other bloggers write daily posts, yet others write only a couple of times a month.  You need to decide on what kind of schedule will work for you.

Have you looked into slander & libel laws in your state?  They vary from state to state, so you need to be aware of them in your particular state.  They are why when I write, I never mention names & only use general terms.  I will mention my parents or my ex husband, not my parents’ or ex’s names or where they live.  Giving the people you’re writing about anonymity is a good move, because it shows you aren’t trying to ruin anyone’s reputation.  You also can use fake names or change the relationship.

What about a pen name?  Is that something you feel strongly about?  Then use it!  Get creative though.  If your name is Mary Smith, don’t use Mary Smythe as a pen name.  Use something very different from your real name to protect your identity.  Don’t use a family name either since again, it wouldn’t protect your identity well.  If you don’t use a pen name, be prepared.  Your narcissistic parents & their flying monkeys most likely will read your work at some point.  If they’re anything like mine, they’re too nosy not to read it, then try to hurt you with what they read.

Now that you’ve decided you definitely want to write this blog, you need to look into various blogging websites & decided which one to go with.  Compare features & see what sounds good to you.

Obviously, I like WordPress.  It has a lot of really cool features.  I love that I can schedule posts, I don’t have to write & publish posts immediately.  In fact, I have almost 6 months of posts scheduled so that way anytime I need a break, I can take it without worrying about my blog falling behind.  WordPress also has a sharing feature that I adore.  You can connect your social media accounts to your WordPress account, & every time a blog posts publishes, it automatically puts a link on your Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, etc. pages.

Lastly, you may have a fear like I did when I first started blogging of running out of things to write about.  I can assure you, so long as there are narcissists, you’ll have plenty of material to write about!  lol

I wish you the absolute best on your new endeavor!  xoxo

Writing About Narcissistic Abuse, part 2

There is one thing I’ve noticed that sometimes happens with people who write about narcissistic abuse.  They become smug.

 

As an example, I’ve seen conversations online where someone has recently learned their mother is a narcissist.  She’s naturally overwhelmed & relieved, as all of us in that position have been.  She finds someone who writes on the topic & follows them on social media.  This author responds to her comments by telling her “Just go no contact.  I don’t know why you’re dragging your feet about it.  I did 8 years ago & it worked fine for me.”

 

Thankfully, I haven’t seen this scenario often, but I have seen it. No one in this position needs shaming, especially at this time.  She needs understanding, compassion & information!  She also needs time to let this newfound knowledge sink in before she can even think about making such a huge decision as no contact.  Learning your mother is the abuser & you’re the victim rather than the other way around is a shock.  It takes time to accept, & that is the first step in healing from narcissistic abuse.

 

If you write about narcissistic abuse, there are times it can be frustrating when you’re speaking with someone in an abusive situation who isn’t making moves to protect themselves.  Once you’ve been there, done that & found freedom from your abuser, you often can see what would be the best course of action for other people in similar situations to take.  It can be very frustrating that they either can’t or won’t see it too.

 

If you get angry or smug in those situations, you may be dealing with burnout or compassion fatigue.  When you write about narcissistic abuse, you pretty much live & breathe narcissism.  People tell you their stories, you do research, & you work on your own emotional healing.  Chances are good you also have C-PTSD.  Narcissism is a huge part of your life & you get tired of it.  Although you want to help people, sometimes you want to never think of this topic again.  When people tell you their stories, you can feel indifferent to their suffering & their need for good information.  That is a big sign of compassion fatigue.  It isn’t that you don’t care.  You do.  You’re simply burned out & need a break.

 

Compassion fatigue is common in helping professions such as those in the medical field, caregivers, counselors/therapists, or law enforcement.  It’s very evident by how they interact with people.  Have you been to a doctor who acts like you’re bothering him with your health concern or seen a caregiver in a nursing home who is testy with the patients?  That is compassion fatigue.  Thankfully, it’s fixable.

 

When you realize that you feel burned out & even indifferent to people’s problems, it’s time to take action immediately.  Take a break.  I don’t mean 15 minutes away from what you do.  I mean as much time as you can.  If you run an online forum, find someone who you know you can trust who can watch it for a few days.  If you write a blog, I highly recommend writing many blog posts that you can schedule to publish so if you need a break, your blog continues on as normal in your absence.  If you’re working on a book, stop.  Take time away from it.

 

Once you’ve decided to take a break, spend your time doing things that nurture you.  Pray, spend time in nature, snuggle your furkids, watch funny movies or listen to music.   And, do NOT think about narcissism!  If you have flashbacks, nightmares or intrusive thoughts, I know this is a challenge since those things have a mind of their own.  If they happen, deal with them as usual & once that is done, resume not thinking about narcissism.

 

Also, reevaluate your boundaries.  You can’t help everyone- you aren’t God!  That’s ok!  Instead of trying to help everyone, pray with or for them.  Remind them that they need to pray as well as read their Bible.

 

Reevaluate how you spend your time.  Find where you can cut back on obligations, & do it.  This will give you more free time which is so vital to your mental health.

 

Pray.  Ask God to show you what changes you should make & how to make them.  Ask Him to weed out the people in your life that aren’t good for you & that you’re not good for, so you have more time for those that are good for you.

 

Writing about narcissistic abuse can be incredibly difficult, I know.  It is possible though when you don’t neglect yourself.  Good self care will make you a better writer as well as a happier person.

Writing About Narcissistic Abuse

I saw a meme on Facebook earlier today.  It said, “Write as though your mother will never read it.”  Considering what I write about, I liked it.  I also realize many of you who read my blog either currently write about the narcissistic abuse you’ve been through or are considering doing it.  This meme made me think of sharing a bit of encouragement for you today.

 

I know writing about the worst, most painful experiences in your life isn’t easy.  It’s hard writing out your experiences.  Seeing them in black & white makes them more real & can make the pain of them even worse.  There is something good about this pain though.  It’s also validating, seeing your traumatic experiences in writing.  You get the validation you never got.  You can’t minimize your suffering or deny that the experiences were horrific when you see them in writing.  Writing also can help you to process the trauma in a way speaking about it doesn’t.  While you’re writing to help others, you’re also helping yourself.

 

Writing about the abuse inflicted on you also can be intimidating.  What if your abuser reads it?  That thought can be utterly terrifying.  It was for me at first.  I worried what would happen if my parents learned I was writing about the abuse inflicted on me as a child?!  How would they respond?  Could I cope with it?  How?  Would they try to sue me for libel?  Would the flying monkeys attack me?  A million awful questions ran through my mind.  After time & prayer, I finally was able to ignore those questions.  I began to trust that God would not only allow me to write about whatever He wanted me to, but He also would enable me to deal with any fallout from my parents or flying monkeys.

 

You can trust Him to help you too.  You also can use some common sense ways to protect yourself.

 

• You can use a pen name.  Many authors have written books under a pseudonym to protect their identity.  If you’re writing a blog rather than books, you can avoid using your name entirely.  You can name your blog something like, “Daughter Of A Narcissistic Mother” or, “My Ex Is A Narcissist”.  Many bloggers use this method of protecting their identity, & it seems to be quite effective.
• You can change the names of people in your writing.  As an example, don’t refer to your narcissistic brother Steve by his real name.  Call him Paul instead.  You also could change the relationship.  You could say he’s your cousin rather than your brother.
• Never give specifics in your writing.  Don’t mention your abuser’s address  obviously, but also don’t mention the name of the town they live in.
• Always remember what libel is & write accordingly.  According to the Cornell Law School, libel is defined as follows: “Libel is a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person’s reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession.”
• Stick to the facts only.  Tell your stories in a matter of fact way, leaving emotion out of it wherever possible.  When your emotions are vital to the story, you can say comments like, “When my abuser did _____, it made me feel _____.” If you come across angry in your writing or calling your abuser names, your writing could come across as libelous.  Sticking to a matter of fact way of telling your story avoids that.
• If you’re considering writing your autobiography, you also can write it as a fictional story rather than non fiction.  Change some details around to make your fictional story a bit different than your real story.

 

Regarding your abuser & possibly flying monkeys reading your work, with any luck, they won’t.  I was fortunate in that my parents didn’t care to read my writing.  In fact, my mother told me it was nothing but a waste of time.  Not everyone is that fortunate, however.  If this happens, remember what I’ve said before about protecting yourself from these attacks.  Block the narcissist’s & flying monkeys’ access to you in every possible way.  Document their abuse in case you need it in the future.  Save screen shots, emails & texts to some type of cloud storage or email it to yourself rather than simply on your phone or computer so it’s protected against failing electronics.  If they create a smear campaign against you, don’t react to it.  Your reaction won’t change the minds of anyone who wants to believe it & the narcissist & flying monkeys will claim your reaction is proof that you are what they say you are.

 

If you feel led to write about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, it may not be easy but I can promise you that it will be very rewarding!  I wish you only the best!  xoxo

For Anyone Considering Writing About Narcissism

Since I began writing about narcissism, surviving narcissistic abuse & the awful effects on its victims, some people have told me I need to focus on writing about lighter, more pleasant topics.  It’s too negative.  People need to think about positive things, not just the negative.  I only write about what I do because I’m wallowing in the past.  I need to forget it & move on.

The truth is, I do agree with the fact that people need to focus on positive things, not just the negative.  That is all I agree with in the above statements however.

In all honesty, writing about narcissism isn’t easy.  I’m often learning something new, & it can be depressing just how pervasive narcissism & narcissistic abuse are.  I get tired of it all.  It’s a very emotionally draining topic & can be triggering for my C-PTSD.  I have to take time to deliberately refuse to focus on it to help me not to get mired down in the depressing negativity that is narcissism.

That being said, I don’t plan to quit anytime soon.

For one thing, I believe God wants me to write about this topic.  He has given me the ability to write & also to understand quite a lot about narcissism.  Not that I know everything on the topic of course- I don’t think anyone does- but I do know a lot.  My personal experiences have taught me a great deal as well as things I have read.

For another thing, when someone thanks me for teaching them something they’ve been searching for an answer for, it is incredibly rewarding.

It’s also rewarding to let people know they aren’t alone.  Since narcissistic abuse makes its victims feel so alone, learning they aren’t is a really big deal!

There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you helped to improve someone’s life.  That alone makes it all worth while!

And, in all honesty, writing helps me as well.  I’m finally validated!  Seeing things in writing somehow helps me to realize that what happened to me was real, & it was terrible.  It makes it more real than just remembering things, probably since I dissociated so much as a child.  It also helps validate me when people believe me & offer support & understanding.  That almost never happened until I started writing.  So please forgive my selfish motive but I need this validation!

If you are considering writing about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, just know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!

Remember that if you opt to write about it, narcissism is a terribly negative topic.  You will need to counter the negativity with positive.  Indulge in things you enjoy often, such as a favorite hobby.

Do nice things for yourself to reward yourself after writing.  Even a short blog post like this one can be surprisingly draining sometimes- reward yourself for putting forth the effort.

Make time where you flatly refuse to think about NPD or anything related to it.  Deliberately focus on something else.  Anything else.

If you opt to write a blog, write posts in advance & schedule them to publish without your assistance.  That way, if you feel inspired, you can write several posts at once, or if you feel uninspired, you can take a break.  Your blog will post anyway.  I have a lot of posts ready to go- over 3 months into the future.

Don’t feel bad for taking frequent breaks.  It’s good for your mental health!

If you choose to write a book, be forewarned- that is much more challenging than writing in a blog.  Blog posts are usually short which makes them easier to handle.  Writing a full book, however is different.  Chances are, you’ll go on a bender & end up writing a lot in one sitting, probably often, which will exhaust you.  You may plan to write for only half an hour but end up spending your afternoon in front of the computer.  Trust me on this one- been there, done that!  Writing a book about narcissism, especially if it is about your personal experiences, is an emotional roller coaster.

So if you are considering writing about narcissism, I strongly urge you to pray about it.  Ask God if this is the route He wants you to take, how He wants you to write (blog, books, etc) & if it is, to enable you to do it.  Ask for strength, courage & wisdom, because you will need all three & more.

Thinking Of Making Some Changes

Lately, I’ve been thinking.  (Scary huh??  lol)

I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about.  In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism.  Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too.  Be a bit more diverse

I’ve asked God to guide my writing.  I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from.  I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well.  I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.

I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago.  That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.

I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website.  I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated.  People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms.  Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy.  It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences.  (Bonus for me!)  If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link:  http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php

Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things.  I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t.  I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use.  Why shouldn’t we benefit from them?  I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes.  I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.

If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions.  I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest.   Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at:  CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com  I look forward to hearing from you!  🙂

For Everyone Who Reads My Work

I just wanted to take a moment today to talk to all of you who read my blog, & to extend a very warm welcome all of my new followers!  I can’t thank you enough for following my blog- it is very humbling & flattering when people read what I write.  I never take anyone for granted, & truly appreciate every one of you who follow my writing.

Even more humbling & flattering are all of the wonderful comments I’ve received lately about how my work is helping people from old & new fans.  Thank you so much everyone!!

I honestly never expected to write about the topics I write about.  God led me in this direction, & it’s not an easy one.  Some days it is extremely draining emotionally & physically, thinking so much about such a horrible thing as NPD & all of the problems it has caused me.  But, when I learn that what I write is helping people, that makes it all worth while.  Your kind words & desire to read what I wrote motivate me to keep going, as well as to keep learning & growing, partly so I can share what God teaches me with you.  Thank you everyone for helping me to fulfill the call God has put on me, & also to help myself heal.  Sending all of you much love, & praying for you too.  xoxo

Making Changes

Dear Readers, I just wanted to let you know that although I’ve been trying to post daily, I’m going to have to reduce posting to every other day, at least for now.  I’ve realized posting daily is too stressful for me.  The last six months or so of my life have been over the top chaotic, & even though things are calming down, I’m still feeling super anxious.  Naturally that anxiety makes the C-PTSD flare up.  (Yay me.. not.)  So, I need to start practicing what I preach & taking better care of my mental health.  One way to do that is to reduce stress so unfortunately that means reducing blog posts a bit.  I’m sorry about this, & hope it isn’t permanent.  I also appreciate your understanding.

As always, please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to write about in this blog.. I’m always up for suggestions.  You can comment on this post or email me anytime at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

Also, if you wish to meet others who have survived narcissistic parents, you can go to my private forum at: http://cynthiasforum.boards.net/  or you can join my closed facebook group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/  Both have privacy settings in place, so what you stay remains within the confines of the forum or group, & only other members can see your comments.

As Many People As You Can Help, You Can Hurt

I was talking with my husband the other night about my work.  I mentioned how other teachings on narcissism I read sometimes just don’t sit well with me even if I normally agree 100% with the author’s thoughts, & how I do my best to be sure what I say can be backed up in the Bible.  One thing came to mind during this conversation that has been in the back of my mind for years now,since before I started writing, in fact..

I was watching Joyce Meyer preaching on TV one day.  She said she’d been asking God for more & more people to reach & to be able to help.  In response to her prayer, God told her that as many people as she can help, she can also hurt, so be careful.  i thought this is incredibly wise!

So many people find someone whose teachings or preaching they like.  They relate to much of what that person has to say, & they almost blindly follow anything that person says.  This is NOT wise to do, however!  Just because you identify with this person’s preaching or teaching, doesn’t mean this person is always right!  All human beings make a mistake sometimes!

I do my level best in my blog, on my website, in my books & anything I write to make sure what I say can be verified by the Bible.  Yet, even so, I’m human.  I’m sure I’ve made mistakes sometimes & will continue to make mistakes. I just try my best to keep those mistakes to a minimum.

I have been blessed with some wonderful, caring, intelligent, empathetic fans who have sent me wonderful messages of support & thanking me for all I write.  It’s amazing!  I love those messages.  But, I also want you to be sure that if you follow my writing, don’t do so blindly!  If something doesn’t sound right to you, look it up.  Pray about it.  Like I said, I do my best not to make mistakes, but sometimes I just might make them anyway!  & if you find something I’ve written is wrong, feel free to let me know your thoughts.  I am very aware of what Joyce Meyer has said, that as many people as I can help, I can also hurt, & hurting people is the absolute last thing I want to do.

Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse- My Next Book’s Topic

Good morning, Dear Readers!

 

I have decided on my next book’s topic.  What it’s like to recover from narcissistic abuse.  The weird things you may not accociate with it such as odd nightmares as well as details about living with C-PTSD, low self-esteem, constant self doubt & anything else I can think of to add to the book.

 

If there is any topic you’d like added to this book, please feel free to suggest it.  I’m open to suggestions!  You can either email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com, or you can contact me via this form:

 

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Writing And Book Stuff

I read a wonderful article on writing this morning. It consists of advice from the Master of Horror himself, Stephen King!!

http://www.businessinsider.com/stephen-king-on-how-to-write-2014-7? utm_content=buffer61d3f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Whether you like his writing or not, if you wish to be an author of any genre, I strongly advise reading this article. The advice just makes sense! These tips are from his book, “On Writing- A Memoir Of The Craft,” which I also highly recommend. I love that book-it’s written very to the point, & it’s easy to understand, too. It’s also entertaining to read- it feels as if Mr. King is talking to you over a cup of coffee- & is chock full of wonderful advice.

And speaking of writing….

My current book about maternal narcissism is getting very close to completion. I hope you readers won’t be disappointed. It’s a bit shorter than I’d anticipated, but I believe it is full of tons of good information for daughters and sons of a narcissistic mother. I also believe the information is good for adult children of a narcissistic father as well.

Progress On My Newest Book!

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I thought you might like to see this…

With some very valuable input from the hubby, I created the cover for my new book. I’m not entirely sure this is going to be the title, but probably about 85% sure of it. (I’m toying with changing it from “The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” to “Parental Narcissism. Not sure though!) The wording will be the only thing that changes if I decide to change the title. I like the simplicity yet boldness of the cover.

Here is the front cover…

And, here is the back cover…

Now that the cover is complete, I’ll be getting back to work on completing the book! It’s getting close!

An Idea..

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!

I’ve been thinking for a while now of possibly creating a newsletter.  Monthly or bi-monthly, not sure yet, but containing summaries of blog posts, updates on my current book & whatever other topics I can think of that might be interesting to my readers.

What do you think?  Would you like to see this newsletter?  Would you subscribe to it?

I’d like to know your thoughts… you can feel free to comment to this post or email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

How Was Your Mothers’ Day?

I hope everyone had a pleasant, peaceful day yesterday!  ❤   Thankfully now Mothers' Day is behind us.  It's time to relax!  Yay!  How are you going to relax today?

Today I made some progress on my new book about narcissistic mothers.  🙂  I realized, though, that I could use more input from others about the men married to narcissistic women- these fathers of daughters of narcissistic mothers.  If you would like to contribute your thoughts, please feel free to comment on this post, or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com.  All information received via email will be kept completely anonymous, I promise you.

What An Interesting Day..

This morning, I was thrilled to learn my Facebook page & tumble pages gained more followers, & I sold several books in the last 2 weeks.  Since things had been quiet for a bit, I was thrilled.  Obviously!   🙂

This afternoon, I went about my usual Sunday routine around my home, doing some little chores, taking care of the fur kids, etc.  While ironing hubby’s work shirts, I thanked God repeatedly for today’s good news.  And..that was when things took an interesting turn..

I almost never hear God’s voice audibly- instead when He speaks to me, I have a strong knowing in my heart of what He wants to say.  Today, I just knew I need to start writing a book about narcissistic mothers.

Yep.  God has a sense of humor.  This is the last thing I’ve wanted to write.  Ever.  I’m no therapist with several degrees.  I also dread the thought that one day, my mother’s minions (aka her flying monkeys- heeheehee!) may find out about my work, & tell her, since she doesn’t own a computer.  How I dread that narcissistic rage that would follow!

Yet, I know I must do this.  I just started a few moments ago with some vague notes on an outline, & things are already flowing- always the sign I’ll write a good book.

Seriously, God?  Couldn’t I write a fun fiction story??  What about animals instead??  I love them!  They’re fun to write about!  Narcissistic mothers??  Not so much…

So, if you wonderful people would do me the tremendous favor of praying with me that I don’t give up writing it no matter what, & that this book will be informative & help many, many people, I would truly appreciate it.  Thank you so much, & may God richly bless each & every one of you!  I love you & am praying for you!  🙂

My First Post As A Guest Blogger

Here is the link…  🙂

http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/60403795/2710/

Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books until November 4th!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

October 26, 2013

To me, one of the most frustrating parts of Complex PTSD is the lack of ability to find the right words.  Either in conversation or when writing, this can make me want to scream!

I’ve been trying to work on my newest book today, I have an idea where I want this part of the story to go, yet somehow I can’t get it from out of my mind, into the book.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this problem is because the trauma I have experienced in my life was so extreme, it actually caused physical damage to some parts of my brain.  I also know that lately I have been stressed.  Having a sick kid, whether human or animal, will do that.  But my word, it still gets frustrating sometimes!

I struggle with not “beating myself up” during these times.  I want to tell myself to get with it.  To stop fiddling around & get to work.  Yet, that only makes things worse.

Sometimes, when things get this way, I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to relax.  Whether for five minutes of five hours- whatever we need.  Watch a good movie, read a good book, go for a walk, play a game, snuggle your furkids, meditate, (best idea yet) pray, or some combination of all of the above.  

So I guess I will be relaxing today with my chamomile tea instead of writing.  It’s my husband’s birthday today, & when he gets home from work, he doesn’t need a frazzled wife.  He needs to be able to enjoy his special day as much as possible.

What can you do to take care of yourself today?

July 29, 2013

Good afternoon, Dear Readers.  I hope this post finds you well today!

I just wanted to let you know that I created a facebook group for my fans.  Here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/

Hope to see you there!  🙂

December 27, 2012

Hello, Dear Readers!  I hope this post finds you well!  I also hope your Christmas holiday was a good one.

Ours was nice & peaceful.  We played board games, & watched “A Christmas Story’ on tv.  I fixed us a nice German style dinner.  Exactly the kind of day I like.  I have lost my love of the more traditional Christmases after many, many bad Christmases over the last 20+ years, so the more non-traditional things suit me fine.  

I’ve been working on the new book.  It’s going pretty well- about 70 pages so far.  Today for some reason, I hit a writing block, so I’m going to ignore the book for a day or two.  I think it’s just stress- I’m not good at handling stress anymore.  Anyway, distance can be very beneficial to alleviating writer’s block.  When you do go back to writing, it’s like you have a fresh view of your work, & creativity can flow easier.  Most times, anyway.  

So I’ve been using this free time to read a wonderful book- “Homer’s Odyssey” by Gwen Cooper.  Homer is a blind kitty, & he is utterly amazing.  If you love animals, at least cats, it’s a great read!!  Homer reminds me of a smaller, blind version of my first cat, Magic.  Highly intelligent, devoted, protective, loving, playful.  Quite a special guy!

Hope everyone has a great day, & in case I don’t get back here in the next few days, a very blessed new year!!!

 

December 5, 2012

Started tinkering a bit with a new book today.. 🙂 Should be an interesting story, I think. If you liked the movie “Gaslight,” you’ll like this one- it’s going to be about a couple in the Victorian era. He married her for her money, & tries to drive her crazy to get to it. She catches on & instead makes him crazy. Not sure of all the details yet, though.  Will work details out as the story progresses, as  I usually do.

October 27, 2012

Ok, Dear Readers, “Emerging From The Chrysalis” is now available for ebook download or in print!!!!! It was published in print last night & ebook came out today (technical difficulties). I am excited! Here is the synopsis of the book…

“Emerging From The Chrysalis” is a story of surviving abuse and how to conquer its pain. 

In this inspiring book, the author describes her own painful experiences with the various forms of psychological abuse (verbal, mental and emotional abuse), as well as how she moved from the role of victim to survivor.

If you are interested in this book, go to my website at:www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com to purchase it. 
Now, I am off to do a happy dance, celebrate hubby’s birthday (a day late since he worked all day yesterday) & watch some scary old movies with him tonight. (I love October- the really fun scary movies are on all month long!)  I will start on the next book soon, but for right now, I think I earned a little vacation! 

Have a wonderful, blessed day everyone!

October 16, 2012

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I realized since my last post that I have something else to add to my last post of advice for writers.. when working on an emotional project, it is best to take some time off as needed. I have burned out a bit. This current book is very difficult for me, & very freeing at the same time. I have been very tired the last few days, & feeling rather empty. My husband made a good point- he said that since I’ve been putting so much into this book, that I am empty. I’m purging the bad, but not replacing it with anything good. Make sense? So, I am trying to think of ways to do just that. I’ve taken a few days off, for the purpose of goofing off & focusing on other things. I will get back at it soon, though. Might even do a little writing today- we’ll see! Have a blessed day!

October 12, 2012

It has been a very busy week around my home…

As if yesterday, the book is now at 162 pages!  I don’t expect it to be a terribly long book- I’m aiming for at least about 180 pages.  But, it should be a very good one nonetheless.  Quality of the pages over quanity, yanno? 

Writing this book has become quite an education.  I would like to share some of what I learned with you, Dear Readers, in case any of you also are writers, or are considering becoming a writer:

• Writing is work- never underestimate that.  Just because you aren’t digging ditches for 80 hours per week doesn’t mean you aren’t working.  Take care of yourself, & don’t work too hard.  Learn your limits.  Take breaks as needed to regroup- it will enable you to be more productive when you do write.
• Take you writing seriously.  If you don’t, no one else will.  It doesn’t matter if you have published 70 books or none- if you want to be a writer, it is a valid career choice. 
• Set reasonable goals.  I read somewhere once that Stephen King writes 2,000 words per day, every single day of the year.  That is a very reasonable goal.. for him.  I’ve learned that I don’t want to write every single day- some days, I want to goof off & go shopping with a friend or knit or just watch scary old movies.  Some days, I have other things to do, like work on my car or clean my house or take care of a sick pet.  Rather than beat myself up over that, I use his 2,000 words as a basic goal- on the days that I do write, I make myself have a limit of 2,000 words minimum.  Some days, I write just that, & others, I write 7,000.  Depends on the mood.  If I’m only editing my work, there’s no goal for a word count. 
• I also set reasonable goals for completing a book.  When I first started writing my current book last year, I thought I could finish it fast.  I had trouble with it, & became discouraged very fast.  I couldn’t write for several months, & discouragement was partly why.  When I started the book over again, & got a feel for how it was going this time, I set a goal to finish it by the end of this year.  Realistically, I think it will be done much sooner, but if it isn’t, I’m still at my reasonable goal.
• Be patient & understanding with yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up when writer’s block happens.  It happens to everyone, even the greatest authors.
• Remember, quality over quanity.  Better to write 2 great books in your career than 1,000 mediocre ones!  Or, better to write books of 150 pages that are amazing, than 900 pages of trash.
• Be true to yourself- write what you are comfortable with writing.  Fiction or non-fiction, if you are comfortable with the topic of your book or article, it comes through, & makes people interested in your work.
• Inspire yourself.  Whatever inspires you to want to write, focus on it as much as possible.
• Lastly but most importantly, I pray before I write every time.  I ask God to help me create this book for His glory & to help many, many people.  I also invite Him to help me write.  Doing that helps me write easier & better.

I hope these tips help enable you to become the great writer you can be.  🙂

August 10, 2012

Good morning, Dear Readers!  I pray this post finds you well today!

I’m sorry it’s been a while, again- been having computer problems, plus the new kittens have been keeping me busy.  They are growing up so fast, & getting into all kinds of things now.  They’re at such a fun stage in their development.

I’ve been thinking about the new book on kitties, & putting some ideas down on paper.  It should be a nice, helpful guide to cat ownership.  But, I’m still having a lot of trouble writing these days.  Please pray for me- this is simply maddening!  I’ve been having anxiety problems, as well as facing anger over how I’ve been abused like I’ve never felt before.  Naturally, I am tired of this, so prayers for God to heal me would be greatly appreciated!

Have a great weekend!!  God bless you!  🙂

June 11, 2012

Today is a sad day.. 3 years ago today I lost a dear friend who was like a mother to me.  She always offered unconditional love, comfort on bad days, laughs on good days & wisdom well beyond her years.  She was the best. 

Also going through some hard times.  The Complex PTSD has been really difficult.  The other day I had a lot of flashbacks, anxiety & depression.  It can be so maddening, feeling like I’m living in the past.  But, each time a flashback would happen, I looked at it objectively, like it was happening to someone else.  It helped me to see that I definitely was not the one with the problem.  It helps me to release the shame attached to being abused, & the shame attached to the effects I suffer because of it. 

I’m really hopeful that all of these experiences that have been happening lately will help me in my latest book project.  It will be a fictional story based on my life.  Many of the abusive episodes I have experienced will be included, as well as ways I’ve found to deal with them.  As incredibly difficult as this book is to write, my prayer is it will help other adult survivors of child abuse.

On a more positive note, the furkids are doing wonderfully.  Although a bit late, spring fever seems to have kicked in around here- the kitties are getting into everything…lol  They are chasing each other & having a good old time lately.  Such a blessing, each & every one of them!  🙂

Until next time, Dear Reader, I’m praying for God’s love & blessings to overflow in your life.  Take care!

June 5, 2012

Welcome to my new blog!  Apparently my last blogger deleted the old one without notifying me.  Imagine my surprise..lol 

I also want to apologize to everyone for not keeping up with blogging.  I’m not particularly good at it, plus lately, I have been experiencing many personal and family problems that have kept me from working.  Long story short, I believe I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  (I say believe because I have not been to a counselor)   Finally I know what is wrong! It gives me hope- after all, you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know what it is!

I am hoping and praying to get back to work soon on my current book that I have been neglecting for way to long.  I still do not feel up to working just yet, but I am sure God has a reason for this break.  One thing of which I am absolutely certain- God has a reason for absolutely everything!   He is absolutely worthy of our trust and love.  🙂

God bless you, Dear Reader.  Thank you for always being there!