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Tag Archives: writing
Just So Everyone Knows..
I’ve decided to take a hiatus from writing books for a while. Dealing with my mother’s estate is a lot of work, & with my mental & physical limitations, also excessively stressful. Writing is a lot of work, so I don’t feel I can write & deal with that at the same time. Or, if I could, I doubt I’d do either all that well. So, writing books is going on the back burner for a bit.
I’m still going to keep up with this blog & my YouTube channel though.
Since I have some really wonderful readers, I know you’ll understand & I thank you so much for that understanding. xoxo
Thinking Of Starting A Blog?
Many people I talk to mention that they want to start a blog about their experiences & what they have learned about narcissism. Today, I thought I’d write a post for those of you in that position.
Before you get started, you need to think long & hard about this. Writing a blog isn’t hard, but there are things that need to be considered.
As always, I really recommend prayer as the place to start. Ask God to show you if you should or shouldn’t do this. If you believe He wants you to, ask Him guide you on this, to help you to write about whatever He wants you to write about, to reach those He wants you to reach, he courage to do this & anything else you can think of.
Where do things stand with your narcissistic parents? How would you deal with it if they found out about your blog? That could be a very ugly situation since narcissists want their abuse to stay hidden. Are you prepared for whatever might happen if they found out what you write about?
Do you feel strong enough to send your words out into the world? Although writing a blog is pretty much like writing in your private diary, unlike your diary, anyone can read it. Some people may think you’re making things up & invalidate you because of that. There are also “grammar nazis” out there who nitpick posts over silly little things like saying “it’s” over “its”. They can be really irritating since they miss the point of the post just to correct a simple typo. While this isn’t necessarily a big deal, early on in healing, it can really hurt simply because you’re pretty emotionally raw & sensitive.
How often do you think you’ll be able to write posts? I have settled on every other day. It’s often enough to keep my writing in people’s minds, yet not overloading them (or pressuring me!) with my work. Other bloggers write daily posts, yet others write only a couple of times a month. You need to decide on what kind of schedule will work for you.
Have you looked into slander & libel laws in your state? They vary from state to state, so you need to be aware of them in your particular state. They are why when I write, I never mention names & only use general terms. I will mention my parents or my ex husband, not my parents’ or ex’s names or where they live. Giving the people you’re writing about anonymity is a good move, because it shows you aren’t trying to ruin anyone’s reputation. You also can use fake names or change the relationship.
What about a pen name? Is that something you feel strongly about? Then use it! Get creative though. If your name is Mary Smith, don’t use Mary Smythe as a pen name. Use something very different from your real name to protect your identity. Don’t use a family name either since again, it wouldn’t protect your identity well. If you don’t use a pen name, be prepared. Your narcissistic parents & their flying monkeys most likely will read your work at some point. If they’re anything like mine, they’re too nosy not to read it, then try to hurt you with what they read.
Now that you’ve decided you definitely want to write this blog, you need to look into various blogging websites & decided which one to go with. Compare features & see what sounds good to you.
Obviously, I like WordPress. It has a lot of really cool features. I love that I can schedule posts, I don’t have to write & publish posts immediately. In fact, I have almost 6 months of posts scheduled so that way anytime I need a break, I can take it without worrying about my blog falling behind. WordPress also has a sharing feature that I adore. You can connect your social media accounts to your WordPress account, & every time a blog posts publishes, it automatically puts a link on your Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, etc. pages.
Lastly, you may have a fear like I did when I first started blogging of running out of things to write about. I can assure you, so long as there are narcissists, you’ll have plenty of material to write about! lol
I wish you the absolute best on your new endeavor! xoxo
For Anyone Considering Writing About Narcissism
Since I began writing about narcissism, surviving narcissistic abuse & the awful effects on its victims, some people have told me I need to focus on writing about lighter, more pleasant topics. It’s too negative. People need to think about positive things, not just the negative. I only write about what I do because I’m wallowing in the past. I need to forget it & move on.
The truth is, I do agree with the fact that people need to focus on positive things, not just the negative. That is all I agree with in the above statements however.
In all honesty, writing about narcissism isn’t easy. I’m often learning something new, & it can be depressing just how pervasive narcissism & narcissistic abuse are. I get tired of it all. It’s a very emotionally draining topic & can be triggering for my C-PTSD. I have to take time to deliberately refuse to focus on it to help me not to get mired down in the depressing negativity that is narcissism.
That being said, I don’t plan to quit anytime soon.
For one thing, I believe God wants me to write about this topic. He has given me the ability to write & also to understand quite a lot about narcissism. Not that I know everything on the topic of course- I don’t think anyone does- but I do know a lot. My personal experiences have taught me a great deal as well as things I have read.
For another thing, when someone thanks me for teaching them something they’ve been searching for an answer for, it is incredibly rewarding.
It’s also rewarding to let people know they aren’t alone. Since narcissistic abuse makes its victims feel so alone, learning they aren’t is a really big deal!
There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you helped to improve someone’s life. That alone makes it all worth while!
And, in all honesty, writing helps me as well. I’m finally validated! Seeing things in writing somehow helps me to realize that what happened to me was real, & it was terrible. It makes it more real than just remembering things, probably since I dissociated so much as a child. It also helps validate me when people believe me & offer support & understanding. That almost never happened until I started writing. So please forgive my selfish motive but I need this validation!
If you are considering writing about your experiences with narcissistic abuse, just know it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!
Remember that if you opt to write about it, narcissism is a terribly negative topic. You will need to counter the negativity with positive. Indulge in things you enjoy often, such as a favorite hobby.
Do nice things for yourself to reward yourself after writing. Even a short blog post like this one can be surprisingly draining sometimes- reward yourself for putting forth the effort.
Make time where you flatly refuse to think about NPD or anything related to it. Deliberately focus on something else. Anything else.
If you opt to write a blog, write posts in advance & schedule them to publish without your assistance. That way, if you feel inspired, you can write several posts at once, or if you feel uninspired, you can take a break. Your blog will post anyway. I have a lot of posts ready to go- over 3 months into the future.
Don’t feel bad for taking frequent breaks. It’s good for your mental health!
If you choose to write a book, be forewarned- that is much more challenging than writing in a blog. Blog posts are usually short which makes them easier to handle. Writing a full book, however is different. Chances are, you’ll go on a bender & end up writing a lot in one sitting, probably often, which will exhaust you. You may plan to write for only half an hour but end up spending your afternoon in front of the computer. Trust me on this one- been there, done that! Writing a book about narcissism, especially if it is about your personal experiences, is an emotional roller coaster.
So if you are considering writing about narcissism, I strongly urge you to pray about it. Ask God if this is the route He wants you to take, how He wants you to write (blog, books, etc) & if it is, to enable you to do it. Ask for strength, courage & wisdom, because you will need all three & more.
Thinking Of Making Some Changes
Lately, I’ve been thinking. (Scary huh?? lol)
I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about. In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism. Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too. Be a bit more diverse
I’ve asked God to guide my writing. I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from. I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well. I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.
I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago. That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.
I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website. I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated. People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms. Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy. It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences. (Bonus for me!) If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link: http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php
Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things. I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t. I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use. Why shouldn’t we benefit from them? I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes. I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.
If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions. I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest. Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com I look forward to hearing from you! 🙂
Filed under Miscellaneous, Writing
For Everyone Who Reads My Work
I just wanted to take a moment today to talk to all of you who read my blog, & to extend a very warm welcome all of my new followers! I can’t thank you enough for following my blog- it is very humbling & flattering when people read what I write. I never take anyone for granted, & truly appreciate every one of you who follow my writing.
Even more humbling & flattering are all of the wonderful comments I’ve received lately about how my work is helping people from old & new fans. Thank you so much everyone!!
I honestly never expected to write about the topics I write about. God led me in this direction, & it’s not an easy one. Some days it is extremely draining emotionally & physically, thinking so much about such a horrible thing as NPD & all of the problems it has caused me. But, when I learn that what I write is helping people, that makes it all worth while. Your kind words & desire to read what I wrote motivate me to keep going, as well as to keep learning & growing, partly so I can share what God teaches me with you. Thank you everyone for helping me to fulfill the call God has put on me, & also to help myself heal. Sending all of you much love, & praying for you too. xoxo
Dear Readers, I just wanted to let you know that although I’ve been trying to post daily, I’m going to have to reduce posting to every other day, at least for now. I’ve realized posting daily is too stressful for me. The last six months or so of my life have been over the top chaotic, & even though things are calming down, I’m still feeling super anxious. Naturally that anxiety makes the C-PTSD flare up. (Yay me.. not.) So, I need to start practicing what I preach & taking better care of my mental health. One way to do that is to reduce stress so unfortunately that means reducing blog posts a bit. I’m sorry about this, & hope it isn’t permanent. I also appreciate your understanding.
As always, please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to write about in this blog.. I’m always up for suggestions. You can comment on this post or email me anytime at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com
Also, if you wish to meet others who have survived narcissistic parents, you can go to my private forum at: http://cynthiasforum.boards.net/ or you can join my closed facebook group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/ Both have privacy settings in place, so what you stay remains within the confines of the forum or group, & only other members can see your comments.
As Many People As You Can Help, You Can Hurt
I was talking with my husband the other night about my work. I mentioned how other teachings on narcissism I read sometimes just don’t sit well with me even if I normally agree 100% with the author’s thoughts, & how I do my best to be sure what I say can be backed up in the Bible. One thing came to mind during this conversation that has been in the back of my mind for years now,since before I started writing, in fact..
I was watching Joyce Meyer preaching on TV one day. She said she’d been asking God for more & more people to reach & to be able to help. In response to her prayer, God told her that as many people as she can help, she can also hurt, so be careful. i thought this is incredibly wise!
So many people find someone whose teachings or preaching they like. They relate to much of what that person has to say, & they almost blindly follow anything that person says. This is NOT wise to do, however! Just because you identify with this person’s preaching or teaching, doesn’t mean this person is always right! All human beings make a mistake sometimes!
I do my level best in my blog, on my website, in my books & anything I write to make sure what I say can be verified by the Bible. Yet, even so, I’m human. I’m sure I’ve made mistakes sometimes & will continue to make mistakes. I just try my best to keep those mistakes to a minimum.
I have been blessed with some wonderful, caring, intelligent, empathetic fans who have sent me wonderful messages of support & thanking me for all I write. It’s amazing! I love those messages. But, I also want you to be sure that if you follow my writing, don’t do so blindly! If something doesn’t sound right to you, look it up. Pray about it. Like I said, I do my best not to make mistakes, but sometimes I just might make them anyway! & if you find something I’ve written is wrong, feel free to let me know your thoughts. I am very aware of what Joyce Meyer has said, that as many people as I can help, I can also hurt, & hurting people is the absolute last thing I want to do.
Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Miscellaneous, Writing
Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse- My Next Book’s Topic
Good morning, Dear Readers!
I have decided on my next book’s topic. What it’s like to recover from narcissistic abuse. The weird things you may not accociate with it such as odd nightmares as well as details about living with C-PTSD, low self-esteem, constant self doubt & anything else I can think of to add to the book.
If there is any topic you’d like added to this book, please feel free to suggest it. I’m open to suggestions! You can either email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com, or you can contact me via this form:
How Was Your Mothers’ Day?
I hope everyone had a pleasant, peaceful day yesterday! ❤ Thankfully now Mothers' Day is behind us. It's time to relax! Yay! How are you going to relax today?
Today I made some progress on my new book about narcissistic mothers. 🙂 I realized, though, that I could use more input from others about the men married to narcissistic women- these fathers of daughters of narcissistic mothers. If you would like to contribute your thoughts, please feel free to comment on this post, or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com. All information received via email will be kept completely anonymous, I promise you.
What An Interesting Day..
This morning, I was thrilled to learn my Facebook page & tumble pages gained more followers, & I sold several books in the last 2 weeks. Since things had been quiet for a bit, I was thrilled. Obviously! 🙂
This afternoon, I went about my usual Sunday routine around my home, doing some little chores, taking care of the fur kids, etc. While ironing hubby’s work shirts, I thanked God repeatedly for today’s good news. And..that was when things took an interesting turn..
I almost never hear God’s voice audibly- instead when He speaks to me, I have a strong knowing in my heart of what He wants to say. Today, I just knew I need to start writing a book about narcissistic mothers.
Yep. God has a sense of humor. This is the last thing I’ve wanted to write. Ever. I’m no therapist with several degrees. I also dread the thought that one day, my mother’s minions (aka her flying monkeys- heeheehee!) may find out about my work, & tell her, since she doesn’t own a computer. How I dread that narcissistic rage that would follow!
Yet, I know I must do this. I just started a few moments ago with some vague notes on an outline, & things are already flowing- always the sign I’ll write a good book.
Seriously, God? Couldn’t I write a fun fiction story?? What about animals instead?? I love them! They’re fun to write about! Narcissistic mothers?? Not so much…
So, if you wonderful people would do me the tremendous favor of praying with me that I don’t give up writing it no matter what, & that this book will be informative & help many, many people, I would truly appreciate it. Thank you so much, & may God richly bless each & every one of you! I love you & am praying for you! 🙂
My First Post As A Guest Blogger
Here is the link… 🙂
December 27, 2012
Hello, Dear Readers! I hope this post finds you well! I also hope your Christmas holiday was a good one.
Ours was nice & peaceful. We played board games, & watched “A Christmas Story’ on tv. I fixed us a nice German style dinner. Exactly the kind of day I like. I have lost my love of the more traditional Christmases after many, many bad Christmases over the last 20+ years, so the more non-traditional things suit me fine.
I’ve been working on the new book. It’s going pretty well- about 70 pages so far. Today for some reason, I hit a writing block, so I’m going to ignore the book for a day or two. I think it’s just stress- I’m not good at handling stress anymore. Anyway, distance can be very beneficial to alleviating writer’s block. When you do go back to writing, it’s like you have a fresh view of your work, & creativity can flow easier. Most times, anyway.
So I’ve been using this free time to read a wonderful book- “Homer’s Odyssey” by Gwen Cooper. Homer is a blind kitty, & he is utterly amazing. If you love animals, at least cats, it’s a great read!! Homer reminds me of a smaller, blind version of my first cat, Magic. Highly intelligent, devoted, protective, loving, playful. Quite a special guy!
Hope everyone has a great day, & in case I don’t get back here in the next few days, a very blessed new year!!!
Filed under Animals, Miscellaneous, Writing
December 5, 2012
Started tinkering a bit with a new book today.. 🙂 Should be an interesting story, I think. If you liked the movie “Gaslight,” you’ll like this one- it’s going to be about a couple in the Victorian era. He married her for her money, & tries to drive her crazy to get to it. She catches on & instead makes him crazy. Not sure of all the details yet, though. Will work details out as the story progresses, as I usually do.
Filed under Writing
October 27, 2012
Ok, Dear Readers, “Emerging From The Chrysalis” is now available for ebook download or in print!!!!! It was published in print last night & ebook came out today (technical difficulties). I am excited! Here is the synopsis of the book…
In this inspiring book, the author describes her own painful experiences with the various forms of psychological abuse (verbal, mental and emotional abuse), as well as how she moved from the role of victim to survivor.
If you are interested in this book, go to my website at:www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com to purchase it.
Now, I am off to do a happy dance, celebrate hubby’s birthday (a day late since he worked all day yesterday) & watch some scary old movies with him tonight. (I love October- the really fun scary movies are on all month long!) I will start on the next book soon, but for right now, I think I earned a little vacation!
Have a wonderful, blessed day everyone!
Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Writing
August 10, 2012
Good morning, Dear Readers! I pray this post finds you well today!
I’m sorry it’s been a while, again- been having computer problems, plus the new kittens have been keeping me busy. They are growing up so fast, & getting into all kinds of things now. They’re at such a fun stage in their development.
I’ve been thinking about the new book on kitties, & putting some ideas down on paper. It should be a nice, helpful guide to cat ownership. But, I’m still having a lot of trouble writing these days. Please pray for me- this is simply maddening! I’ve been having anxiety problems, as well as facing anger over how I’ve been abused like I’ve never felt before. Naturally, I am tired of this, so prayers for God to heal me would be greatly appreciated!
Have a great weekend!! God bless you! 🙂
Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Miscellaneous, Writing
June 11, 2012
Today is a sad day.. 3 years ago today I lost a dear friend who was like a mother to me. She always offered unconditional love, comfort on bad days, laughs on good days & wisdom well beyond her years. She was the best.
Also going through some hard times. The Complex PTSD has been really difficult. The other day I had a lot of flashbacks, anxiety & depression. It can be so maddening, feeling like I’m living in the past. But, each time a flashback would happen, I looked at it objectively, like it was happening to someone else. It helped me to see that I definitely was not the one with the problem. It helps me to release the shame attached to being abused, & the shame attached to the effects I suffer because of it.
I’m really hopeful that all of these experiences that have been happening lately will help me in my latest book project. It will be a fictional story based on my life. Many of the abusive episodes I have experienced will be included, as well as ways I’ve found to deal with them. As incredibly difficult as this book is to write, my prayer is it will help other adult survivors of child abuse.
On a more positive note, the furkids are doing wonderfully. Although a bit late, spring fever seems to have kicked in around here- the kitties are getting into everything…lol They are chasing each other & having a good old time lately. Such a blessing, each & every one of them! 🙂
Until next time, Dear Reader, I’m praying for God’s love & blessings to overflow in your life. Take care!
Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey