An especially challenging aspect of narcissistic abuse is the constant lack of witnesses. They are very skilled when it comes to hiding their behavior from everyone other than their victims. This behavior can be so frustrating, because as a victim, you want & need other people to see the horrors that the narcissist is putting you through. Knowing others see what you do helps you to feel validated & also less like you are imagining everything. It can be so grounding when someone else sees the problem, which is incredibly helpful since narcissists love to convince their victims that what they did wasn’t a big deal, it didn’t happen as the victim remembered it, it was completely normal, it was the victim’s fault or it didn’t even happen.
Unfortunately, these are the same exact reasons that narcissists try to hide their behavior.
If you are struggling with a narcissist abusing you right now & are frustrated because everyone else sees that same person as a great person, you’re not alone. I would bet that every single victim of narcissistic abuse has struggled with this issue. And naturally, as a result it can make you wonder if you’re overreacting, being too sensitive or even imagining the abuse. Today I want you to know that none of that is true. You are NOT overreacting. You are NOT oversensitive. You also are NOT imagining the abuse. It is real & it is horrible. Just because no one else sees it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real or horrible!
Narcissists hide their abusive ways because they know that what they are doing is absolutely wrong. The problem is that even though they know this, they don’t care enough about hurting their victims to stop their cruel behavior. It gets them whatever it is that they want, so they don’t think stopping this behavior is an option. Hurting other people is inconsequential. That being said though, hurting other people can make any witnesses to this behavior think less of them, so they must hide it if they want other people to continue to think well of them.
If other people witness this behavior, they may try to stop the narcissist from behaving as they do, which is another reason for them to hide their behavior. To continue their abusive ways, all possible hindrances must be avoided. It is beneficial for narcissists to show good behavior to any witnesses so that way the witnesses will have no reason to try to change their behavior.
Showing their true colors to only their victims also is beneficial to narcissists because if their victims tell other people about the abuse, those other people won’t believe them. They will believe the narcissist’s “I’m a good person” act instead. This means victims will receive little or most likely no support at all. Lacking support means the victim may give up any hope of escaping the abuse, & be willing to tolerate whatever the narcissist does to them.
The Common English translation of the Bible says in John 3:20-21, “All who do wicked things hate the light and don’t come to the light for fear that their actions will be exposed to the light. Whoever does the truth comes to the light so that it can be seen that their actions were done in God.” Clearly this behavior is normal to the truly cruel & evil people in the world. If you are wondering why the narcissist in your life hides their toxic behavior, this is why. It’s normal to them. That being said though doesn’t mean that it should be tolerated or that something is wrong with you for being upset about it!
Please, if you are in turmoil because the narcissist in your life has hidden their toxic behavior from everyone but you, remember, there is nothing wrong with you! You aren’t crazy, oversensitive, imagining things or whatever else you are feeling. A person who truly is unaware of their bad behavior won’t hide it or try to make those they hurt feel as you feel. To them, it’s normal so there is nothing to hide. Narcissists aren’t like that though. They know what they’re doing is wrong so they try to hide it for all of the reasons I’ve mentioned. You’re fine! They, however, are NOT.
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